Blessings
"The three foundations of learning: Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much." -- Catherall
The things you’re grateful to have
- A doctor who cares, is competent, and understanding
- The best doctor's secretaries ever
- My parents
- A grammommy, and how they've gone from saying she's near unsalvageable to sending her home Monday
- A prescription for demerol
- Sunshine
- A scarf *laugh*
- The internet and webcam
- Friends who care
- A potential entry about me in Ari's blog (or is that a boast? *laugh*)
- The world's most adorable kittens (yes, even more than yours)
- A well stocked pantry, so that the fact that I ran out of grocery money is an inconvenience not tragedy
The things you’re grateful NOT to have
- A funeral to go to
- Frost bite
- Only myself to depend on for my health needs
- An eviction notice
- A suspension of my welfare benefits
Boasts
How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." -- Anne Frank
- I am more than willing to apologize when I'm wrong, or misunderstood
- I made spreadable butter
- I walked from the Centrum to the doctor's office
- I made the doctor's secretaries a belated Christmas card telling them how awesome they were
- I also bought them a cookie, since I couldn't give them the Christmas cookies I promised because of the bus strike
- I washed my hair
- I made dinner
- I made a list of things to talk to the doctor about
- I expressed my various concerns and got results
- I got a card for grammy, wrote her a letter and bought her presents
- I got out of the house less than an hour after I woke up, thus giving me hope I might actually be able to work
- I expressed in some detail how hard it is for me to cope with being stoned all the time, and the consequences of being stoned on me to someone who loves me (maybe I should write an entry?)
- I did my evening routine, when it would have been very easy to just go to bed
- I made a to-do list so I don't forget to do anything tomorrow
Thoughts
"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson
1. The things you didn’t accomplish today
I forgot to ask him for a reference to a psych. Maybe with the new meds I won't need them. I didn't get my disability paperwork, because he isn't done with it, and now I have to call disability and ask for an extension. *sigh* Still no pilates. Didn't get the morning thoughts done. I didn't get to talk to Ryan when he called. 
2. Think about one of your fears
Getting evicted.
3. Think of a way to face that fear
Continue to cut corners as much as possible. Try to use less hydro, and water if possible. Look if there's anything I can sell. Eat less. Use time at Mom and Dad's more practically (food, laundry (and remember to thank them profusely for allowing themselves to be so used)). Pray harder that the bus strike gets resolved. Look for minor jobs that could be done from home or are very close and very part-time. Pray some more. *laugh*
4. One new thing you’d like to do
I washed my hair with a shampoo soap bar! I don't know if I liked it though. It was nice that it definitely allows much less soap needed, but I think it made my hair too clean for the condition it's in. I had to use twice as much conditioner. *laugh*
5. What you don’t like about yourself
I don't some of the primal self that is being shown with all of these meds compromising my processing lag.
6. How you can change what you don’t like about yourself
Keep putting the energy into focus, to create an artificial lag to allow for discrimination and decision making rather than impulse reactions. And otherwise, attempt to not get discouraged when messes need to be cleaned up after.
7. Your greatest qualities
I am stubborn. I am humble. I am loving. I am funny. I have a solid work ethic. I am intelligent. I am relatively self-aware (again). I always seek to improve. I am very good with children. I am usually very good at explaining things to people. I'm a pretty good cook. I'm a dreamer.
8. What the future holds
Surgery. Disability paperwork filed. New pain meds. Blood work, and hopefully an end to my paranoia that I'm falling even worse apart than I thought. A coming together of my life, for better or worse and whether I'm prepared for it or not. Ari getting a webcam. Funerals. Births. Successes and failures. A life, one day at a time.
9. Your life goals
I aim to be well. I aim to be stable. I aim to own my own home, and within a decade. I aim to have children of my own, and be a good parent. I aim to be someone who may be a shelter for any child. I strive to be someone worthy of respect and admiration. I aim to be a person people look up to, and come to when they have need. I strive to ever be a personification of my ideals, including humble restitution when I inevitably occationally fail.
10. You only have one life
One opportunity, to seize everything you ever wanted. |
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