Oh Mother, I really don't learn, do I.
I am so good at not doing what I don't want to do.
I keep coming to you with the same prayers, and it's embarrassing.
I'm not ready for this, and I need to be. I'm running out of time, I can hear it like a windup clock in my head ticking away.
I miss writing. Saga help me find my words again, happy and sad.
I'm desperately afraid that I fucked up, but it's literally the only thing I could do. I know, I tried.
Help me prepare. Third time's a charm. This time... I think I've surrounded myself with people who will actually support me, help me. Maybe this time, I'll finish what I started.
Mother... I so close to being happy. I don't want to bolt.
Mother... I want to be better, for me, for you. I want you to be proud of me.
I want to be me. I want to reflect you through me.
I want to be a role model, not a bad example.
I touched my beads, I touched you. I am a child, and I am needy, but I ready to grow up.
Thank you for my family. Thank you for insight. Thank you for sheltering me. Thank you for the bitch slaps. Thank you for supporting my healing. Thank you for an idea of a future that is more than a dream. Thank you for dreams come true. Thank you for all the dances.
A gift demands a gift. This gift of devotion I give, for all you give to me. |
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