1. The things you’re grateful to have
Good friends. My kitties, who climb all over me, tolerate rampant physical abuse, and generally make me smile. A teacher who cares enough to email us all links when it becomes obvious none of us can afford the dictionary he wanted us to buy. A day off. Work to look forward to. A response from the surgeon. A good book to read. Opiates.
In a list of thank yous... Dear Maren, the table is lovely. It's solid, and really beautiful, and fits in wonderfully. Thank you for thinking of me when you had extra furniture, and thank you for thinking of this table when I was so uncomfortable with the construction of the other one. Dear Mom, thank you the red things. Thank both mom and dad for finally getting me my crock pot! Thank you for lending the car. Just thank you for everything, you're the best parents a grownup could have.
2. The things you’re grateful NOT to have
Anywhere to go right this second. Anything on my to-do list. Many worries.
3. What you don’t like about yourself
I have no confidence. Most of my other moral and character failings are based on this. I am afraid. I don't think I can defend myself from whatever it is in this moment that I fear, and I so protect myself in ways that seem achievable.
4. How you can change what you don’t like about yourself
I need therapy, is what I need. I need help to work through these panic attacks, so that I can make rational instead of instinctive decisions. I bought that DBT book... I can see what I can do on my own, but I really think I need therapy.
5. Your greatest qualities
Perseverance. Loyalty. Open-mindedness. Thirst for knowledge. Sense of responsibility. Joy in small things. Mommy-sense, and treating children like human beings without treating them like mini-adults.
6. Your life goals
I aim to be stable health-wise, so that I might actually have a life. I aim to have a homestead where my family can be safe, and friends and community may be sheltered. I aim to be a person people would consider a leader, an inspiration, a role model. I am to contribute to my communities in meaningful ways. I aim to overhaul and create a gypsy-type waggon that I can use to drive across North America. I aim to become a grounded, accepting person, who is still protected and discriminating, because I understand that both are in fact possible. I aim to be served by my emotions, neither serving them nor denying their necessary messages. I aim to have children, both of my body and foundlings, who I raise with the understanding that they need guidance and discipline, but are people in their own right, with their own wants, talents and decisions. I aim to be a personification of my faith. I aim to be contented.
7. How yesterday’s problems are today’s motivation
I need to practice my ASL, so I'm more confident in what I know. Practice in front of the mirror, especially the facial expressions, until they feel more natural. Take more iron to help with the thinking, and just generally try to relax. Work on learning to focus through the demerol, because it's a different high than the perc and is taking a bit to get used to.
8. What you want to do today
Do dishes. Get caught up on Flylady whatnot. Go to bed at a reasonable hour, since I have to wake up stupid early to get to work.
9. How you can make someone else’s day a little brighter
I emailed Ryan. That should do it.
10. You only have one life
Everything is beautiful in its own way. |
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