Morning Thoughts (January 7th, 2009)

01/07/2009

1. The things you’re grateful to have
The internet back. A warm bathtub. Quiet. Kitties. Friends and friends of friends.

2. The things you’re grateful NOT to have
An internet company that keeps careful track of its bills. To go outside in the snow.

3. What you don’t like about yourself
I hate how my brain lies to me.

4. How you can change what you don’t like about yourself
Sanity-check. Check and check and check again, before making a decision, even simple ones. Talk to a doctor, because this has officially spun farther out of control than I can handle.

5. Your greatest qualities
Emotional control. If people had the least idea of how controlled I am, they would freak. Stubbornness. The ability to see beauty in the smallest things.

*sigh* I had a hard night last night, and it's really hard for me to see the positive today. I know it's there... I just can't find it.

6. Your life goals
I want to want to live. I want to be functional. I want to take care of people. I want people to not have to take care of me. I want to be an inspiration, not an obligation. I want to not feel like I'm selling out. I want to drive across north america with my van as an RV. I want to overhaul my van, so it's in factory condition, as much with my own two hands as possible. I want a home. I want to spend a month in algonquin, far away from anyone. I want to use the internet not have it use me. I want to belong, and feel it and know it when it happens.

7. How yesterday’s problems are today’s motivation
I'm very excited about getting my textbook for class. I'm going to try to buy a fullsized mirror (*shudder*) so I can practice, because I'm going to need to practice. I am too divorced from my body to consistantly create the body language that ASL needs.

8. What you want to do today
Not die. Not piss anyone off. Maybe clean the bathroom. Finish the soup. Get ready for work tomorrow.

9. How you can make someone else’s day a little brighter
I haven't a clue, really. Maybe leave chirpy little notes on people's diaries.

10. You only have one life
And it goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone.