it's the end of NOJOMO.
if you are on my f-o list on my regular diary, you will understand why I chose this poem to post.
However, note the date I wrote this. I did not write it tonight and although I am feeling temp depressed-angry-confused-scared etc, I would never hurt myself.
22. The Black Drug
6-10-03
Laying here with nothing more to hide
I am going to commit suicide
With This dagger in my side
I have given it all
My heart is going to fall
I just need one more to get me through, that’s all
YA YA YA
Just one more pinch of that black stuff
I just want to get it over with
I don’t want any mist
Please I need that black drug.
I am laying here starving for the unknown
Waiting for my blood to turn into chrome
Now give me that drug and just leave me alone!
it is my life, not yours
you see these sores?
Ya they are from all the females who have purposefully hurt me
Don’t say you’re sorry, I don’t want to hear it
You… you are probably just another bitch
Now give me that drug
I don’t want your “I love you”
Those are just words, I’m the one getting screwed
Ya, so you take your unvirginn body, covered by the fake white dress
That guy hurt you and yet you believed his words, you are just a mess
You opened your legs to lust,
You couldn’t keep your legs shut
it was just like your front door
You are nothing more than a whore
Now get out of my face and let me waist
Oh you don’t understand why I am so upset?
Well let me leave you with out any guess
my entire life I have been told
“it is non of your business” ”you will find out someday”
mean while you have been screwing since your sweet 16
so what the hell does that mean?
Alcohol you clamed took your virginity
You loved every second of it
In my criminal justice class
We learned that was rape, it is fact
Purposefully lowering your inhibitions
He took your woman hood, Something I never could
Now give me that drug so I can stop this hurt
Shut up, you could have been my first
You know what? I want you to stay
I want you to see me waist away
I want you to hurt as much as you hurt me
I want you to never forget it, now watch and see
Watch as the black drug goes into my system
You’re probably going to say… I never cared about him
Your life was a lie
You’re still going to get guys
You will never understand
You will never have a real man
One who loves you with words, gifts and a kiss
Your body may be satisfied, but your eyes?
Your heart will always be aching
As you watch my life being taken
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