Kick the habit...

...or kick the bucket!
Patrick and I spent my lunch break visiting Belinda. It was nice to be able to see her...though she looked as if she could die at any given moment. Watching her try to carry a coffee cup was excrutiating! She even had trouble smoking a cigarette, which made me thankful I'd quit last month...she made it look so disgusting.
All in all it was wonderful having the chance to see her before she heads to treatment. She seemed happy to see Patrick and I - when we first walked in she sat straight up on the couch and literally jumped into my arms crying. It was sad! Sad to see someone so frail and lifeless when they'd been so full of life when you first me (a year ago), sad to see her killing herself, the whole thing was just.sad.
It's hard, too, because I don't feel sorry for her because this is something she's done to herself. I do have mercy and compassion for her though and would support her in any way when she gets out of treatment. As Patrick and I were leaving I told her how proud I am of her for choosing to go to treatment and she started crying and saying "I'll see you when I get back" was encouraged by this, very encouraged! The first step is admitting you have a problem - she's done that...going to treatment is what needs to happen next.
Even more encouraging: she's excited about it. Past the pain/withdrawls/cravings she's excited about kicking a 20.year.daily.addiction.