Hi everyone, as you can tell from my entry name this isnt going to be the happiest of entrys and if you are very agianst abortion, then pelase dont read it because my aim is not to offend anyone
I guess you want a story then.... It all started last year when me and simon went to england for a holiday for about 3 months, and in april we went to scotland to visit my grandparents, while we were over there we had unprotected sex of course otherwise i woudnt be writing this entry.
We travelled back to england and i started to loose my appetiate, and feeling sick and tierd. i knew something was up, but it wasnt untill a trip to the shopping mall i knew.
Me, my mum, auntie, cousin and simon all went to MerrY Hill to do some shopping and i have never felt so sick/faint in all my life, i kept telling simon i felt sick, so i had some water, then i felt fine and i was back to my old self, yeah for about 5 mintues... It wasnt untill we were in Boots, walking past the condom/pregency test kit that i knew i was pregant.. I didnt need a test i just knew.
I thought back to when i had my last period, simons birthday, i was defintly late. I told simon and of course he told me not to worry about it and we would do a test later if i wanted, but as we were coming to the end of our holiday we didnt have any money, and telling my mum wasnt an option so i went to my auntie marisa, we were staying with her during our holiday
I walked into her room, she was getting ready to go out, i walked in nervous she asked me what was wrong, i sat on her bed and i just said " i think im pregnant" she looked at me and said "are you serious" i was suprised how easy it was to tell her, but then agian she has always been like a big sister to me. I told her i needed money to get me a pregency test so she gave me 20 quid.
Simon and i walked to the shop hand in hand, in silence, he held my hand tight but didnt say anything to me i could tell from the look on his face he was scared, and i was scared. We walked into the shop and i nervously aksed for a pack of two pregency tests. The walk back to the house was as uneasy as the first, as i drunk a can of dr pepper on the way home so i needed to pee i wanted to know straight away
"I need to pee now so im going to do the test" we exchanged looks and i went upstairs, i already knew what the out come was going to be but i had never been so scared in my whole life, what was i going to do i was only 19 years old.
Wait for the test line to appear..... if two lines show up this is a positive result......
And there they were TWO PINK LINES..... i nervously walked down the stairs with the test to tell simon, i stood int he door way and said "im pregnant" simon thought i was joking at first, but then i showed him the test, then he knew i wanst joking.
I was pregant, and according to a calander about 3-4 weeks, i felt sick, i felt scared, i had no idea what to do. It was clear what simon wanted to do but me i had no idea....
7 weeks pregant and i was back in Aussie, i went to my doctor and i had made the decision to have an abortion, because me and simon had no home togehter, no money, i had credit card debt and loan debt, it seemed like the only option, even though it killed me inside and still does. I got told that 15th jan would be my due date if i went ahead with the pregency
I got refreed to marie stopes abortion clinc and i was scared, and thought i wouldnt be able to go for it, but then i had to get my scan to see how far along i was, at the time it was my 12th week, so i was told my abortion would be a bit messy and alot much sorer, but the aldy was confused when doing my scan, my baby was the size that it would be at 6 weeks, but i was definlty 12 weeks, as i knew the exact date of my last period... I knew then that my baby would have had problems, my brother is austistic, and i wouldnt change him for the world, but seeing what my mum goes through every day i couldnt do it.
So there i was, lying on the bed, getting a needle stuck into me. Then i was awake, crying and shouting what have i done.
I know people have there diffrent views on abortion, but i feel like i have done thr right thing, i want to bring up my family when i have more money and stabilty around me, i was broke, i had no job and i lived with my dad, now me and simon have money, paying our bills and a family is on our plans now, just in a few years. I just hope the baby realsies what i did wasn in its best intreast and i hope he/she will return in the future.
I will never forget what i have done, and i will never forget you, and will love you forever and im so sorry and i hope you forgive me.
Katie |
Loading...