Listening to Fiona Apple alone= emo Mary
So I'm sitting at home alone listening to Fiona Apple. Not such a good idea. I have been really down lately. Me and Chris has this huge discussion (it wasn't really a fight) about marriage. I knew he said he wasn't ready when we were together for about 2 years, which at the time neither was I. We will have been together for 5 years in October. I'm ready to marry him. I know he's the one I want. Well, apparantly he wants to wait 2-3 more years. I just can't do it. I can't. Why wait? That's my thing. Then he says whats the big deal. The big deal is I love him and want to start living my life as his wife. I don't want to be "shacked up" with him. I was a legally legit marriage. Is that too much to ask? I just don't know what to do. I'm afraid to leave him. I'm afraid that I'll stay and after 2-3 years he still won't be "ready". I don't like feeling like I'm forcing him into something. I don't like feeling like I'm the needy, clingy, obsessive girlfriend. After 5 years, we need to get married. That's just how I feel. I may be wrong here but jeez. All my friends are getting married after being together way less and it makes me feel bad when people come up and say sooooo when are you guys getting married? I'm like apparently never. I know I'm young, but I have been with him since I was 16. He has been my first everything. I want him to be my husband. Is that such a bad thing? I'm rambing but I just don't have anyone to talk to about this. I don't wanna tell my friends because they will get mad at him and I can't talk to my mom or family because they think the same thing I do. I guess I just needed an outside opinion. Am I asking too much?
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