So many many things have happened since my last post. I'm terrible about updating this thing, ok, let's be honest here, I've been terrible about updating everything lately. I've been working days lately (08:00-16:30) and it's been fantastic, but means I don't get on my computer much. The snow and weather is weighing on me, I'm terribly ready for Spring. Work has been good, though. I'm in training now because I got a promotion. I will no longer be making outgoing calls, instead taking incoming calls. I really hope I wont be in this department for long. I'm not sure I really like it a whole lot. But it is the first stepping stone to another department.
Erin and I are doing wonderful for the most part. The only problem lately has been her recent diagnosis of PCOS. It's been pretty awful. Her chances of having children are greatly reduced and it has her down a lot more than she's willing to let on. I can see it building up in her eyes. I wish there was something I could do or say, but unfortunately I am completely helpless. It makes me feel incredibly guilty because I'm capable and able to have kids but extremely unwilling. I just don't think I have the emotional ability to go through that with my gender issues. It would mess with my head. I've tried telling her that I will carry our children if necessary, but she insists she wouldn't make me do that. I just wish I could give her the faith that I have. I know I will do everything possible to make sure she is able to conceive. I will give up everything I have to in order for that to happen. I know she will carry our children, and I will believe this until I have heard at least 3 doctors say the word "impossible". And I will be standing there beside her, helping her with every step of the process, even if that includes carrying her to the next one, or holding her up when she can't do it herself. I love this girl, and I have faith in the future we have planned out. |
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