Am I really so insecure that I let things like this get to me? She saw it in my eyes. She wouldn't have asked why I looked like I wasn't there if she hadn't. But I couldn't bring myself to tell her why. I know she loves me. I know she wants to spend her life with me. She's told me these things, and I know she wouldn't say them otherwise. But does she want me? Does she want me in the way I want her? I constantly think about how she feels underneath me, how she sounds when I kiss those spots only I know about, or how her hands clutch my back when it feels like she's about to explode. I get high on things like that. But I don't think she does. I don't think she goes crazy for me like I do her. If she's not getting off then no one is. I mean, I'm not one to complain about a 1 week pause in a sex life, especially when its due to health issues. But when I'm fit, able, and almost begging for it and she just blows it off I can't help but get a little upset. I don't mean to be needy. I don't mean to have the sex drive of a 16 year old boy. I don't show it as much as it effects me. But I guess sometimes it's really nice to be wanted as more than a personal vibrator. I have some things to adjust to with this. She doesn't do the chasing; she is the chased. I'm usually the chaser, but I at least get a few bones thrown at me. As glad as I am that my most recent relationship didn't work, there is one thing that I miss about it: she made me feel incredibly sexy and wanted. I guess I just need to re-learn how this all works. |
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