Entry number 003 was not written but spoken between myself and the one person that understands me. This entry I'm addressing those that "know" me best, in order of appearance.
Dad aka Pops- My whole life I've always wanted to be just like you. You were always my hero. Still are. I remember when things were easy, when I was little and you and me used to play super nintendo or watch cartoons on a Saturday morning. The memories I've held on to the most. Then when I got older, the hunting and fishing. I'll always be an angler, but I think I'm done killing animals. (Disturbingly, hunting humans is more fun). But with all the good times we had, their was always the fact that I couldn't be you. And believe me, I've tried. Sure I've gained alot of the good qualities that you had, sense of humor, common sense, and a natural ability to bbq or bake anything that I put my mind or my hunger to. And all the times you were hard on me, I hated you soo much, but now I'm old enough to see that it was for the better. I love you, dad. Thanks.----------------
BioMom aka Rose- You gave birth to me. and my only full blooded sibling, Pat. I remember some fun times as a toddler, up until I was five. Then you disapeared from my life until I was 19. The whole time it hurt not actually knowing my own mother. My baby sister was with you, Katie. Through the years I always wondered what life would have been like if you hadn't lost contact with me. Each year growing more and more dissapointed that you were gone. Eventually, I gave up. Then in 2006, just after I sold my soul to be more like my father, you came back. Changed everything. I'm sorry that I'm the only one of your Oldest sons that talks to you, Pat is, well being Pat. I'm glad that 4 years later, I'm still rebuilding that mother-son relationship. I love you Mom.----------------
Carol aka Mom- You raised me. Other than dad your the only other person to credit for it. The beginning was rough. I was still focused on my bio mom being my only mom. But, as time went by, I realized that you were there and that you had the same love for me that you did for your own children. Even though you were just my stepmom you became MOM. And forever that will stay. The last 5 years was rough as well. With moving to Glendive, the alcoholism, Dad working all the time, then Dad getting forced to quit, my excessive drug use, Pats emo-ness, the constant drama with my older sisters, and me being deployed to a war zone. (which honestly, I was made for it. Disturbingly, I like what I do out there in foriegn countries. I'm a soldier at heart.) But through all of the bullshit, you stuck by me, like I stuck by you when we weren't talking. (Sure, we might not have been talking and were at our differences, but when someone hits my mother, I let my darker, derranged, risk taking side out.). You and I have also had our fair share of painful arguements, but in the end, I've learned so much from them. You were the ultimate teacher when it came to making decisions. But in the end, through all of my trials, (and you were the one that taught me to follow my heart) I've learned that the only person that was more of a teacher to me was myself. I thank you Mom, for giving me some backbone.-----------
Gramps aka Grandpa aka Bozo- The wisest person I know. My best friend when I was little. And I learned so much from you. You inspire me to be the greatest man I could ever be. You've had your trials in life, and the stories I've heard from dad and you, your life story is my favorite story ever. Your not only a hero to me and Pat, but your also a legend that will be passed on for generations. Along with my parents, you taught me the biggest thing anybody could learn : Never give up, never let anyone control me, and above all, live with honor. I look back at all the times we talked about hunting or fishing, or gone camping. I love those memories. I hope that when my time comes, (years and years from now) I will be like you. I love you Gramps, and thanks.-------------
Shelli aka Rachelle- You might be my oldest sister, but you were more like a friend than anything. You taught me soooo much about how being myself (which is different than just about anybody) is not wrong. In a family full of black sheep, where would you place us? We definately set the standard for weird. You were always the responsible one. And in turn, you taught me to be a leader. A skill that I was robbed of using by my own worst enemy (myself). But in life to come, I will lead, not an army, but a family of my own. I love you sis. (Please come back to life, over the years you've died inside and lost who you were.)----------------
Jessi aka Jessica- You taught me how to control my anger. (though lately, I've let it out a lot). And you've always had my back. It was and is nice to have a big sister who would do anything to help their little brother. Though, I don't like a majority of your "clique" you're still a good person reguardless of all the "wangsters" that you hang with. You've also taught me to look for the good in people. ( a gift and a curse). My biggest strength and my biggest weakness is just that. My kryptonite is people. I hate and love them. But I'm human, and you helped me figure that out. I love you sis, thanks.------------------
Bri aka Brianna- You were my sister, my friend, my enemy and now one of my greatest allies. We've had our differences, but in the end like that of a story book ending, my enemy proved to be just the opposite. We used to compete so much as children. But you helped mom teach me one thing, BACKBONE. I've never backed down from a fight. And I thank you for teaching me not to quit or back down from a challenge. I never have and I will never back down. I love you sis, thanks.----------------
Pat aka Patrick aka Moldy Cheeseman (lol)- My little brother, down since day one. We've fought, we've hugged, we've had each others backs. In the beginning it was you at my side, and in the end it was the same. Pat and Steve against the world. Inseparable. Although we've broken down and moved on to our own travels and adventures, I know that if I ever needed to dial one number for someone to come save my ass, its you brother. You taught me that teamwork is the answer in almost every situation. Thanks brother, and good luck on your own.------------------
Katie aka Kathleen- My only little sister, my baby sister. (I'm not going to mention Ricky in this because I don't know him well). I'm so glad to have you back in my life. The years we were separated from each other, not knowing who each other really were, I always dreamed of the day I'd get to see my sister. I always wanted to play the big brother role in your life, my rightful role. And due to unfortunate issues with my dad and our mom, it didn't happen. But now things have changed, and today you are not only my sister, but stand among my best friends at my side. I love you sis.---------
Tyler aka TJ aka Tye- My first best friend outside of family. The only friend from my early childhood that I still can rely on to be at my side. You always told me if I was getting out of hand or if it was worth beating the hell out of someone. Kinda like Jimminy Cricket. Even though you moved away, you kept contact with me, and you have never been replaced. My only childhood friend worth keeping. I love you, man. Thanks.---------
Mike aka Mexican aka Quaddo- Like a brother. Always there for me, you never let me do stupid shit.....alone. I really wish I could have been a better friend when you were in need. But, you only vented to yourself, and scared the hell out of us all. But now your fixed, and I still have my dirty mexican best brother with me. The only one from the R.I.P that I talk to, hang out with, and still call my brother. Your the only one who hasn't become worthless trash, and I thank you for it. I love you, brother. Thanks again.----------
Dani aka Dnai- You are and will always be a great friend to me. If I need an opinion on something or some girl advice, your always the one I go to. Your like the little sister I wish I had (Katie when you read this, don't take offense). I can always count on you. Thanks.--------
Selina aka Fiance aka Evil Cheese- For three years before we started dating, you were my only friend in Glendive. We survived the tornado together, we talked about some really weird shit, and we always kind of clicked together. I've always had feelings for you, and you've always been the easiest person to talk to. You always seem to get me, kinda like I get you. You were and are my inspiration to live each day with atleast an idea of what I want to do the next. You push me to not to give up, just like I won't let you quit anything. (unless its absolutely necessary). I'm exited to start a family with you. And through my travels since I've met you, I've never been this sure about anything in my life. And when I get home (for good) not only will you (you already do) have my heart, but my soul as well. I love you. I always will. And in a way, I always have. (I bet it gets somewhat annoying on how clingy I am). Thank you!!!----p.s.---- And hun, beware the sprinklers (even though its winter) and dead spiders... lol....----------------
All of my neices and nephews aka My Legacy- I love you all!!!! You guys are the soul purpose that I have lived with a warm heart towards humanity. I've had some of the best moments with you all. I've learned that being the biggest kid is the best medicine in life, cause if I let myself fall too far, you guys, my biggest fans have always looked up to me like I was the man. Like I was the guy you wanted to be like, to look up to, to ask advice. You guys are my biggest fans, as I am yours.----------
Forever yours, The son, The brother, The uncle, The Friend, The Fiance, Steven.
P.S. If any of you read this, leave a comment, you don't have to join bloop. |
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