Life is working in such a mysterious way for me right now. I honestly don't know if I'm going to be able to live on the outside (civilian). Sure, my career has had its ups and downs. I've been demoted once or twice, but the fact is, when it comes down to it, I love my job.
I know, your reading this and thinking "Didn't you say you hated it there and that your done wearing the uniform?". And yes I am tired of it, I'm tired of my leadership, I'm tired of being judged poorly by the worst CO in the history of 3/502. I get injured because I refuse to quit, and then when I get my injury checked, I get called a quitter.
No, I refuse to re-enlist to deploy to Afghanistan. Yes, I feel somewhat guilty that my squad needs me more than anything and I'm just walking out on them. Truth is, they are my family away from my family. I'd give my life to keep anyone of them alive. I push myself day in and day out, just because I care that much about THEM, rather than MYSELF. But, I'm getting out and watching from the sidelines. Its for the better, I'm continually getting injured and thats a liability to the team. I can't deploy and then when it matters most, not be able to perform my duties because my ankle or my knee or even my bad back can't cope with the pain. I'm sorry guys.
Plus, now I have a family to care for. Its a new test for me. I've lived the life of a soldier, now its time to be a (soon to be) husband and a dad. I'll do my best knowing what I've done has helped you guys in the long run. I'm still a soldier at heart, always will be. But when it comes down to it, I always have put my actual family first and you guys second. So now you know, if the time comes that I'm actually needed, (US gets invaded or actually bombed by an foriegn military) I will re-enlist and fight by your side. |
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