I'm not looking forward to tomorrow, mostly because of the amount of days I missed while I was sick. I thought I'd be better in a few days, throw up during the first two and then slowly get better before I was expected back, but then I started throwing up all over again on Saturday (after missing the days I was supposed to be doing that week). So, had to be delayed further and since my hours got changed this week, I've missed Monday as well.
So, I'm only going to get paid for two days this week, after not working at all last week. I've got enough money, it's all stored away so I'll be fine, but it's more the reception I'm going to be given when I do appear tomorrow. I was able to not be sick during the entirety of November and December (a miracle in itself because I usually get something or other and end up having to take time off in order to recover), but only until January. And that's when I came down with what I had been staving off since November.
I got the stomach bug that's been travelling like the speed of light through various work places, and was out for eight days. I had to go home half-way through the day because of it, and I'm only going back tomorrow.
And since I've somehow managed to anger my Managers (I'm not exactly sure what I did but I'm close to getting a Warning), I have a feeling that they might use this sickness as a way to give it to me. As I am out of all my paid sick days, it means that I haven't been paid for the four days I missed in the end, but that doesn't mean I am not going to be given a 'talk' about taking so many days. Management views all my sickness as a way to get out of work (as pretty much my Depression is never spoken of and that's probably why I am not being given any more hours as they view me as unreliable), and so this one...
Hell, I hate this time of the year. The reason I'm down is not only because of it's January (I get really down December, due to the crazyness of Christmas in retail, through to March), but also because I've been out sick. I've been told off by Management for things that are not my fault, for their own 'inability to be clear in their directions' and so on and so on, and I'm tired. I can't take another 'talk' from them, because the only reason I'm still in this job is because it's a job. And it pays me.
And I can't afford to be out of work.
Maybe tomorrow I will be able to write that I didn't get a talk, and that I was just allowed back without any 'looks' or anything. Or maybe I won't. Maybe I'll be told off for getting my sister to call in one day because I had been trying for the past hour and a half and couldn't get through. And for the amount of days I had to take off. And everything else.
I hate my job. I really do.
I just want to curl up in a ball, stay there and ignore the world all over again.
I just want to break down and cry.
I want to cry because... I'm not so sure how much longer I can do this.
Kya
And now I've started a head cold. |
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