It's Never Too Late.

01/05/2010

~ He replied this morning! Ya know, over the last couple years it has seemed that as I looked back.. everyone had left me. My mother (when I was little), Tracy (Dad's first boyfriend til I was 3ish), Matt (prev. entry), Tyler (ex-boyfriend), Tim (another ex) and the list just kept growing. I've been single only since August but, Tim was really just one of those "summer loves". And now, I feel like maybe... there were more reasons than they were selfish or just didn't want me. OK! so this is his response...

Hi Brooke,

I’m sorry for not responding to your email sooner. I have been on vacation since 12/21 and I’m trying to get caught up on all of my email.

I knew or at least hoped that you would reach out to me one day. Your message said that when I look at you I see your father and it hurts. That is not entirely the case. The concern that I had is that your father seemed to be using you as a spy – trying to get information from or about me back to him. I know that at the time you were young and easily persuadable. My main concern was moving on past my relationship with your dad. As much as it hurt me – and you, I had to cut our ties. It would have been a never-ending circle.

I do not want to rehash the things that happened in the past between your dad and me. I live a very positive life now. I don’t poke fun of others or lie just to inflate my own ego. I have also learned that material possessions – furniture, clothes and cars do not define me. I have learned many lessons in my life.

Your message also says that he treats you the way he treated me. I hope that you are okay and that you are not hurt.

You are a very intelligent woman Brooke. I always want nothing but the best for you. I hope that you can see that now. I know that I was always the one to make you do your homework and chores and go to bed on time. I worry that you may think that I was too hard on you. The truth is that if I had not been there to provide a structure for you then you probably would not have had any structure at all.

I remember when we pulled everything out of your closet and I asked you piece by piece what you wanted to get rid of. You were so afraid to get rid of the “girly” clothes that your dad had picked out for you. I wanted you to start forming your own personality and wearing the things YOU wanted to wear. I could see how excited you were, but still afraid. I hope that you aren’t afraid of anyone anymore.

I could go on and on about the past. Just know that all of the memories I have of you are good ones.

I do want you also to know that Diva and Emmett are both doing well. Stephen and I have a big fenced in yard and they run around like crazy with Cody. Diva has had some issues with arthritis as she is getting older – but I give her a daily pill that helps keep her joints moving. I guess none of us is getting any younger!

My number is still the same – #######. Call me if you want.

I have never stopped loving you Brooke. I hope that you can understand that now.

Love,
Matt

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