Love is one thing... *EDIT*

09/30/2010

...Knowledge is another.

You really want to know now? I have been having a whole lot of trouble figuring out what I want out of life. I have a boyfriend. A very loving, caring boyfriend. A boyfriend who I have known since I was in 9th grade. Dreams happen....and then the nightmares.

An old friend from my past...ironically, 9th grade, made an appearance back in my life. I had a crush on him back then. He disappeared in 10th grade and reappeared back in 2005. When he reappeared, he professed his love for me...WHILE DRUNK. I called him out on it and was really upset...he ran away again. He re-reappeared and here we are. He wants me still. Sure, it's flattering, but I am so sick of being stuck. He could've gotten a hold of me back when I was single. But no, he doesn't come back till I finally settle down with someone. I am nearly 3 months into this relationship and he wants me to drop everything. I tell him that I am staying with my boyfriend...he gets pissed off at me for it. And the best part? He drunk dials me again to say he's pissed off that I chose my boyfriend. Then, the next day (yesterday) he calls me drunk, YET AGAIN, to apologize for calling me drunk the day before. *shakes head*

So I talk to my mom/sister and tell them about everything. They explain that a real friend would never make you choose. Guess not. So I have pretty much broken ties with him and grown a whole lot closer with my boyfriend. He is moving back from Amish-ville (an hour from me) to a block away. I am really excited to get this relationship rolling. It's just been a whole lot of bad scheduling and lack of transportation. I just said goodbye to him on his way back home and I miss him. I am at least glad I was able to talk to him before he left.

Funny part about seeing my boyfriend? I got to see his sister again. She was in girl scouts with my sister. I got to say hi to her. She was a bit surprised to see me, but I think things between him and her will get better now that I am a part of things. Not to be cocky, but I think I can help.

So, aside from love whatevers, I work a whole lot. Tomorrow will be my 5th day in a row...and then I work Tuesday as well. I can't stand that place, but it definitely pays decently, so I can't bitch too much.

And now, I get to attempt a rational evening of thinking...hope all is well with you!!

***EDIT***

I really ought to give him (the friend) some credit. The first of the most recent drunk dials was on his birthday which was the day after he found out that I wasn't going to leave my boyfriend for him. Prior to that moment, the last time he had gotten drunk was the FIRST drunk dial back in 2005. So 5 years of no drinking. The problem I have is that I feel to blame for the drinking. I know it's not my fault, but 5 years of nothing and then I tell him no - so he copes with the drink. I caused this. Yes, it was his choice to go out and drink. Yes, it was his choice to call me while intoxicated. Yes...it was MY decision which pushed him off his precariously teetering position.

It can be argued that I hadn't talked to him between those times and I can't say he DIDN'T get drunk as I wasn't there through it all...however, I guess I am the stupid one because I trust what he says about the sobriety because I had faith he would tell me the truth - because he said he cared. I'm seeing that I can't play victim because I have put myself in this situation...and I have allowed myself to fall...and believe that friendship could be possible - for someone who tears themselves apart over problems not of their own. It's nobody's fault but mine.