Guess I really wasn`t that crazy...
Oh dear. What have I done!? So, tuesday night I came home from Chels`s and my mom told me I had to go testify in court 3/18/09 for my friend, Dustin. Well the next day, J texted me and was like, "You might have to testify 3/18/09 against Dustin." Which I already knew, so I texted him back, "I know." So I got into my car to drive home and I "butt called" him (LOL) So he called me back and I answered and he said, "You called?" and I was like, "I did? I`m sorry I must`ve butt called you." and we talked for about 5 or so minutes. Anyways, later that night as I was about to go to sleep, I got a text from him saying, "It felt so good to hear your voice today." then he told me he wants me back for sure after all our court stuff is over with. But I really don`t know if I can handle being with him again. Especially after he just walked out of my life when our relationship got hard. I mean, it`s not always going to be happy and perfect. I do take some responsibility though, he may have walked away first, but I let him. I didn`t fight for him or us. Which I should`ve, but I was so exhausted because of everything going on. I mean, I`m not 100% sure but I think that being 17 and being charged with 9 felonies is a big plate to eat. But, it happened and I`m dealing with it as best as I can. It doesn`t stop me from thinking about him and wanting to be with him.
J called me last night when I was with Christopher. Which was pretty awkward considering me and Christopher are getting a lot closer...but I`m getting closer to a lot of guys these days. (Wow. I kinda just sounded like a whore! Not in that way. I have more guy friends than girl friends.) But it was so sweet last night. Christopher was coming to see me at my job and I got off 15 minutes early so I was running to the store to pick up cigarettes (THE PRICE WENT UP!!!:( ) and then I was gonna go find him whereever he was in town and surprise him. Well, as I was coming into town, I get a phone call from him, "I just passed you." and I was like, "SHIT! You did!? I was coming to surprise you! I`m going to get cigarettes and then I`ll meet you back at work." and he sounded really mad! I felt so bad!!! So anyways, I get my cigarettes and I drive back to work. As soon as I throw my car in Park, he`s out of his truck. I looked at him and smiled a nervous smile and said, "Heyyyy are you mad at me?" and he looked at me, smiled and said, "No sweetheart. I`m not mad anymore. You just cheered me up." Then he pulled me in for a hug and kissed me a billion times and kissed my forehead. It was adorable. He`s really starting to catch feelings for me...but I don`t exactly know what to do. I still love J and a part of me wants to be with him...I`m just so confused! I think the best thing for me to do is to just date like a guy :) not whorish or anything. Just play the field :) (WTH is up with me and these baseball comparisons! Guess I just love baseball :) ) Anyways, this is getting long and most people who read my stuff have probably stopped reading by now.
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