First of all, still alive, which is always a plus.
Got through to the beginning of last week without any self harm and then lost it. Over two months. Most people don't know yet and I pretty much intend to keep it that way.
My housemate is really, really ill at the moment. The doctor's prescribed her tranquilisers for this week to help counter her panic attacks. I feel utterly useless. At this stage I'm just working on keeping my own crazy quiet and roped off in a corner, and offering her any support I can. Our other housemate, her boyfriend, is doing most of the supporting, but I'm doing my best to do silly little things like buying her treats and offering contact should she need it.
It doesn't help that I've felt pretty distant from everyone for a fair while, and I don't want to impose myself, but it's a difficult balance to find between offering help and smothering anyway. Mostly I'm just trying to be available.
I've had a few close calls. One suicide note, a few plans that have been derailed by events during the day. Mostly I'm keeping these to myself. A couple of times I've tried to tell friends who aren't in this circle of crazy, but so far no luck on that front.
Don't leave 'there, there' comments. Don't tell me I need to go to the doctor - I know it. I know I need to see my psychiatrist again. I just need to make it through this small patch first, and focus on that when I'm not losing my mind at every turn. Today, I'm concentrating on today. If I make it through today, I can focus on tomorrow. |
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