Who are you when no one's looking?
I talk a lot. I sing to myself. Sometimes I do these things when people are looking too, but not always to the same degree. I'll stand in the middle of a field and belt out a tune at top volume. Sometimes I talk to the people that aren't there - I know they're not, but I can't shake the feeling of being watched, and judged. I can just feel a hundred faces turning and looking at me, every expression the same - cold and disdainful.
I get frustrated over stupid little things. I get excited over stupid little things. I get jealous over stupid little things. Jealousy's a new one on me - never had it before, but for this one woman in my guild in WoW. She brings it out in me. Might be her competitive side, I'm not sure. Something about her leaves me feeling rejected and forgotten.
I used to be fairly honestly who I am when no one's looking in this diary - back when I actively cultivated having no regular readers and lurked around the site at random. Most of those days are from before the crash - puff, vanished, gone forever. I can be twice as silly and whimsical and bouncy when no one's looking - I can also be twice as depressed.
When no one's looking I'm still me, still Lunarsea - only more so. |
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