ugh
instead of "hi" when i get in the car with my aunt, the first thing i hear is "you're getting to be all skin and bones again, jamie. jesus christ, look at your collar bones, are you eating?" then she asks my dad "has she been eating?" and he says "a little." mother fucker, i do eat. i eat once a day, sometimes i eat a snack at night. i eat a little bit, okay? i'm sorry that i can't inhale five meals a day like the rest of you people. it's not my fault that i get full after two bites. i can't help it. and most of the time, i'm not even hungry i just eat so that i don't hear it for days and days.
for dinner today, i had taco bell. a crunch wrap and a taco. i am so full that i could literally puke everywhere. but is that good enough? no, of course not. "you're scrawny, jamie." well, bitch, i don't feel scrawny. you should see my stomach. it is not "scrawny," so i don't know what you're talking about. i feel like i've gained so much weight, i feel like a cow, so you'd think they would be happy. nope. "am i going to have to make sure you're eating myself?" no, you just have my father do it for you because you don't trust me - because i eat way less than you think i should.
at least i fucking try when the truth of the matter is: i really don't fucking want to.
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