well things went from bad to worse, i am now sitting in the hospital because of an arguement that went horribly wrong, my leg has been put into a brace and i am to see a specialist for ligament damage....
i have been in abusive relationships in the past, and i hate to think that this is going down that same path.. but lets not fool ourselfs here anymore, its been 7 months of negativety hostility emotional seperation and now, pysical contact on both our parts... heres what happened
**Continued later**
attempting to christmas shop, and all i hear from him is anger and the pitty party, which is what i hear from him everyday, finally i opened up and told him flat out that i cant handle how negative he is and that he needs to seek professional help before his past destroys our future... this leads to him saying im rude and that i dont care about anyone but myself, which then leads to me trying to discuss things with him, finally i said enough was enough and stated i wanted to go home.... once home i slammed the car door walked up the steps slammed the house door, not realizing he was chasing right behind me, the door did not hit him thankfully, next thing i know hes up behind me screaming at the back of my head so loudly that i wiped around. his eyes were filled with rage and anger, i reconignize those eyes, the eyes of an abuser, the eyes of someone who has lost control, the eyes of someone who can do severe damage if given the opportunity, well as i turned around to face him as he was yelling we are now nose to nose and while turning my shoulder hit his shoulder, (we are in the stair case which is also a narrow hallway area) next thing i know hes reaching out towards me as im panicking and trying to step backwards down the stairs, he grabs my shoulders and im thrown into the wall as im trying to grab him to gain my balance and push him away from me, im thrown into the wall a second time, this time i real my fist up and hit him square in the jaw, years of kick boxing training on my side and lessons on how to escape abusers... i try to run but hes fast and im cornered yet again, he grabs my by my arms squeezing them so hard i yell out in pain because it hurts so bad, he wips me around and we are facing upwards towards the stiars my back going from the wall to the stairs as he slamms me into the ground, "restraining" me from hitting him as he says, my leg still behind him i feel it twisting, i scream as the muscle stretches... and then it pops, dislocating my knee... im crying and yelling that hes hurting me hes still screaming in my face, i yell again hes hurting me and im crying hysterically by this point.... he pushes me into the stairs again and he runs off.... up the stairs to go grab his stuff, i try to get up and am greeted with a shooting pain from my calf up into my knee and behind my knee..... the pain is like death..... i scream i cant help it.... i cry, ow, ow, ow , ow.... getting dizzy from the pain, cant even think straight, he runs to my aid, looking worried, his eyes back to being soft and loving, his hands back to being nothing but soft and empathetic... we go to the hospital , hes begging me to tell the the truth saying it needs to be said, the truth needs to be told, im begging him not to, telling him i know hes not like that, i know that things got out of hand and we both got escalated and it lead to me hitting him and him accidently hurting me, sounds like typical battered woman syndrome, i can see the pattern forming, with all my training, all my knowledge, life experience, why am i continueing this, he takes care of me all night last night and all day today, my knee in the brace, i can barely walk, the pain is still there, but now only when i apply pressure or try to walk on it, i can move it now without problem, thanks to the brace, i have nightmares he says, im screaming out for him to stop, im panicking, i remember waking up panicky and sweaty.... so he must be right.... i talk with him today....he finally agrees to counciling, marriage plans are held off, even beginning to talk about living in seperate housing till he gets his anger under control.... ive told him we wont go that far for now, that we will get through this together, but made it clear i wont fall into that cycle with him of abuse, one more time im gone... he doesnt go to anger management im gone, he misses an appointment with his therepist, im gone....... |
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