Strike
I am 18 years old, turning 19 in a few weeks. For most of my life, I've struggled with weight issues. For most of my life, my self esteem has been very low. I never loved myself. Confidence and Beauty were not words in my vocabulary. I always looked for love in the wrong places, trying to find someone that would love me because I didn't love me. I later realized that no relationship works if I don't love myself first. I'm tired of being unhappy with myself. I'm tired of looking into the mirro and being disgusted at what I see. My best feature about myself used to be my smile. My smile would brighten my day along with another's day. My smile was everything to me. Since I gained weight, my smile has become just one more thing I dislike about myself. I know beauty starts from within and while on this journey, I'm going to find love within myself as well as on the outside.
Also, my aunt just died at age 55. I don't know about you, but that's very young to me, seeing that her mother is in her late 70's. Now my aunt has been obese for most of her life, morbid obese... She had diabetes along with other problems. Right before she got the change to have the gastric bypass surgery, she had a massive heart attack. I want to lose this weight and dedicate it to her. She is my motivation. She was a part of my soul, and always will be. But now, I have to do this. Since I didn't get to formally say goodbye to her, I have to pay my respect to her by doing this because this is something she always wanted for herself.
Now me, I don't want to be 25 and can barely walk. I don't want to go out and be looked at funny for being too fat. I want to be able to walk up a flight of stairs and not feel like I'm on my last breath. I want to be able to go to a club and not be afraid of dancing, in fear that it just won't look right... a big girl grinding... Dancing is something I love to do, or should I say...winding and grinding. I want to walk down the street and turn heads. I want my smile back. I want to walk a confident walk. I want to be able to shop in Body Central and Charlotte Russe, instead of Ashley Stuart and Rainbow Plus.
Alot of obese people don't do this, but I am deciding that I am gonna take control of my life now. I am no longer gonna let other things and people run my life. I have to do this for me because I get too comfortable in these shoes. I have to challenge myself to the finish line, something I have a hard time achieving. I have to do this for me... so that I can live, so that I can be happy and confident.
If you look at me, you won't think I weight 240. I'm 5'5, kinda average but my weight settles throughout my entire body. I hold my weight good, but it's just not healthy. My goal is to lose 3 pounds a week... and within 5 months, doing that would have allowed me to lose 60 pounds. I don't want to be skinny and I don't intend on being skinny, I just want to live a healthy life. But if I happen to become a size 9/10, hell... I wouldn't even be mad at that. Gives me room just in case I accidently slip up. I don't intend on gaining any of my weight back though.
Anyways, I weighed myself this morning and the scale said 236... So in actuality, I lost 4 pounds which is great and such a motivation. My next blog will consist of my food challenges, what I plan to do for exercise and such...
Any motivation or inspiration is greatly appreciated. Thanks....
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