change

06/10/2012

i am so scared of change.. i am sooo scared of being on my own.. i am soo scared thtat it wont make me happy like i want it to.. i want to change the way i live i want to be free and explore life and have happy thoughts when i go home.. i want to want to go home.. i dont im at the coffee bean writting trying to kill more time so i dont have to go home and listen to the same old boring man that tells me what to do how to dress where i should be.. ill get yelled at for being gone this onga nd its worth it bc i get time.. time to myself to say exactly what i wanna say.. what do i want to say.. i want to say fuck you i want to yell and scream and run and keep running and running untill i land somewhere so happy that i am over come by possiblitys of a bright future.. i have a bright future.. i know its in there somewhere.. how can i get it where can i run.. can i run? do i have to know where im going or can i just start going and figure it out later? can i be spontanous... ummm i dont think so.. im not the lets just do it type of girl.. im the lets think about what is going to go wrong talk myself out of it type of girl..... not good.... not good at all.... and tho i know this about myself i still have no courage to change it... im such a thinker.. i just over analize then analies that again... dear god... time is running out for me... i am aware of this.. im just not ready to make any drastic chocies.. blah i suck