today i got into a fight with a man who keeps reminding me that he is in control... why do i let him control me? i am a not a fan of this...yet here i am blasting this on the internet how im upset about it..and i sit her and do nothing but be angry with him but its me im angry at..i let this happen i let this control go on becasue i just want it to be easy... i take the esy way out always... i let him talk me into getting married having a life but then im only 24 im only so far from where i thought i would be.... i cant regret it bc at that moment that was exactly what i wanted... i have so muvh life to live i need to buck up and figure out how to get out.... i already know how but it wont be easy so i sit and be angry at him and myself.. this is no way to live .. i might have found someone else but do i take the leap and plung into this other person... no bc it wont be easy... im a confused soul who spends her life waiting for others to jump so she can jump after them.. why cant i jump first.... bc its not easy.. i make all these excuses as to why.. but really i just want to see what happeneds when they jump and then i think i know everything about what happeneds but.. evryone jumps a different wy everyone jumps off there ledge and they plung into different water thats somthing i didnt realize until today.. im never going to know how the story ends.. i am the one who wants to know eerything..... and i cant... yet i still wait for them to jump and then when i jump after them it goes completly different than what i thought i knew.. nothing is what i thought.. im always wrong... always just plain wrong.. yet i wait..then i follow.. nothing changes everything changes and evrthing stays the same | 
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