Ok so firtly what I'm angry about, went to tesco and mums jewing it up like ever. She's got a fistful of coupons that she painstakingly counts out at the checkout, after having a trolley full of cheap and nasty tesco value shit. Turns out she can't use one of them cos she hasnt spent enough money, she argues the toss with the checkout lady and everyone looking at us. Checkout lady goes
"oh its for the always ultra you bought, this COUPON is for the single pack not the double"
so my mum gives me this look like 'you cost me so much money' and delves into the shopping bag to pull out the pack of sanitary towles to wave in front of the tesco woman. I'm just like put it away its not worth all this humiliation. But shes gotta get her 30p off, and damn if she doesn't embarsses the LIVING HELL out of me in the process. Doesn't get her anywhere, and then we leave, once shes crammed all the coupons back inside her bag. God that was awful.
And now onto what I'm sad about, was just looking round youtube for songs with my name in, was fun at first until I acidently came upon this miserabel misery song about some girl who was anorexic and bullimic and her name obviously was also sophie. I mean god, I obsess enough about my looks as it is. And now I've seen how thin other people are I feel even more inadequate. Yeah I know Jimmy tells me im beautiful all the time, and i know he's not making it up. Im just not beautiful in my own eyes, and im convinced that if i could lose weight then I would be. And watching that just confirmed it.
And yeah I have tried that whole scene before. Going out drinking does make it easier to learn how to make yourself puke on demand, and yes seeing as how I can do that now, I have once or twice. Didnt get me anywhere as I'm still as chubby as I was before. But temporarilly it made me feel better. Not sure what to do once these diet pills run out though.
And don't you go geting yourself worried when you read this cos I know you will. I made it public for a reason, not sure what that reason was though, seeing as i'm probably worrying you like hell right now. . . . |
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