Day one . . .

03/10/2009

So I left the fags at home today, lets hope I don't see tasha cos if I do I know I'm going to MAKE her give me one. Its sort of a test. I'm proving to myself that I do have some willpower, and trying the plan from yesterday again. I hope i don't cave. Lol. So i've just been doing work and that, but I have no idea how I'm sposed to do this coursework. No idea at all and the draft is in for two weeks time . . . this isnt looking good. I'm fearing for my free time here.
So I told mum I'd catch the half 10 bus, cos obviously she doesnt know I'm meeting Sarah today, thats my counsellors name. I'm nervous as hell. She'll prolly take one look at me and not know what to say and expect me to do all the legwork when I really don't know what to do. Really wishing I had my fags with me now, or some beer, that would be nice too.
Can't even text Jimmy cos I havent topped up my phone in like forever. My headphones are hurting >.< damn scaffold.
Well i guess I should go and revise SOMETHING in all this free time i got kicking about. Nothing much else going on.
*edit*
and OMG I just realized Edgar was in my dream last night. How random is that. He had this massive box of fags it was huge u had to use two hands to carry it, and I paid him 50p for one while me and all the group were at the train tracks. And the wierd thing is when I woke up i could actually smell fags for about half a minute. Odd.

*edit 2*
So I'm just back from the counsellor meeting. It was officialy worse than I expected. I cried. She didn't really know what to say and kept filling awkward pauses with "hmm" and it annoyed me. I annoyed myself that I didn't round to talking about anything worthwhile. Or maybe I dont have anything worthwhile to say. Either way I'm craving fags, alcohol or anything stornger one could lay ones hands on. And still 4 lessons to go. Oh what a wonderful day I'm having. She's set us up to meet next week as well, but I'm tempted to move the meeting to a time in which I could go get drunk afterwards. I almost didn't go today, thats how nervous I was, but I had to beat the fear. At least this old cow remembers the stuff I tell her, unlike my mother.