here it is

01/01/2009

So heres everything I wanted to say, I hope its come out the way I wanted
I know you want to cheer me up when I'm down, all the time, and I know you need for me to always tell you what it is I'm upset or annoyed about. But mostly its only college stuff, and I shouldn't let that come into our relationship anyway. I used to know someone who always let his work problems affect the ones he loved, and I used to hate that. And i never want to become like him.
I could tell you all the gory details of the things that make me upset, and my past and all that shit but then you'd get bored of hearing it. And speaking of, I kinda guess you're sick of hearing me ramble on about how I hate my body. I'm just going round and round in circles no matter how many difffernt people tell me other wise (like friends and mum and you of course) it just doesnt stick. and thats my fault not yours. Its a mind thing.
I dont want to treat you like a counsellor and keep bogging you down with my own worries cos everyone has their own to deal with
I dont wanna have to keep pushing you away, and I understand the boomerang thing. but last night I just needed some space. Im sorry if I was rude, but i was in a really bad mood and i didnt want to talk when I was in a bad mood cos it wouldn't be fair on you. Especially over the phone. You know I hate phoning.
I dont want to share the pain because sharing it would then mean that you get a share of it to. And what kind of gf would i be if i put my pain on you?
So basically I just gotta let you in. Which is hard at the mo cos Im stressed out and worried about things you cant really help with that much anyway. Unless you have a spare geography report stuffed up your sleeve
Either way, cant wait to see you saturday if we want to we can talk about shiz properly. But all I really want is to hold you in my arms again. Or be held. probably the latter. Was talking about you all last night to poor friends who had to listen to my lovey dovey cooty ness,
I hope I wont lose you over this, I dont want to ever lose you.