I'm a useless cunt

03/29/2009

So its sunday and im back from jimmys house. it was such a nice afternoon, but i wasted it completely with my stupid antics, being too afraid to skate in front of people. Or for that matter being too afraid to even be down the skatepark alone in case -god forbid- a human actually walks past the gates and sees me. I was so angry and frustrated with my stupid self a broke down and cried. And no one even understood what the hell my problem was.
They're like if you want to skate then go skate, and Im like theres nothing id love more than to be down there right now, even if im not really any good and ill fall on my arse. Thats not the issue here, the issue is that I dont have the confidence to even be seen skating through the highstreet, let alone trying stuff on the ramps. And im afraid that people will laugh and poke fun at me, and even if they dont they'll be doing it behind my back.
So I didnt go, and I tried to explain but that only made it worse. I feel shit about myself right now. I really do. And I feel sick cos I ate an easter egg almost entirely to myself. If it hadnt been so long ago id be trying to puke it back up. But its probably too late for that.
I feel miserable. Jimmy was likely so much cooler before I came along. Now he has to take me home when I get tired and look after me when I can't even skate. God I just want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
And this clearasil isnt working, so as well as being a fat useless cunt, im a fat useless spotty cunt as well. I hope theres a bag for my head inside this deep dark hole i want to crawl into.
What else to say? Oh yeah, none of my clothes look right on me, what am I going to wear tommoro