But last night was hellish. I felt so terrible, im not realy sure what set me off, and even after Jimmy tried to cheer me up, as soon as we'd hung up my mum was tearing into me again. Making me feel like the fattest girl in the country, making me feel like I wasn't even trying and that I was a lazy fat slob.
And she goes oh I didnt think you were upset. Oh well you're obviously a great mum. Fucks sake.
So today I'm back to the old routine of excercising myself into exhaustion and eating stupidly healthy muck that makes me miserable. I hope this week I actually lose something or there's going to be hell to pay.
Oh great, and Im going out so I have to dress up and make myself presentable. Ha good luck going shopping I think i'll just stick to cd's at least with them I dont have to worry about sizes. And next to tasha at least I'm not going to look quite as bad as I would next to liz.
What else? oh yeah watched this Gok fashion thing on telly. Self esteem takes a plunge, but there was nothing else to do. And im sorry for keep ranting. It must be getting tiresome for you 
So I go to town and the fat shit had forgotten all about me. I thought as much. She'd gone out to the castle and for a chinease with her mum. How come she gets two mums and a dad that dote onher and all I get is one stingy jew?
So I went shopping on my own, got a nw cd and a scarf but I hadn't brought as much money as I thought. Met dianne in hmv which I thought was a curse, but even though shes a skinny little perfect thing, her bf made me realize I am SO lucky with just what I have.
Seriously that guy was 100 times worse than luke. Can you imagine it? He treated her like some sort of dog. Literally, we were sitting down and he gets up and just goes "walk" and she did!
and the whole time he was telling her shes fat when just the wind could snap her in half, and he cheats on her and only wants to get in her pants.
And then when he'd been surly and rude the whole time, he lifts up the bottom of his jeans and hes got one of those criminal tag things round his ankle. I was like WHY are you seeing this guy?
But either way I'm glad I met up with her, because apparently she knows someone. I know I'm stupid for keep trying but hey I'm going to be the one laughing when someone finally comes through.
And im desperately hungry, but im trying the whole skipping meals thing. Worked for her *shrug* |
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