The bike ride straight out of hell

07/02/2009

Yesterday me and liz decided to cycle to maldon. It was 90 outside before we'd even set out, and managed to time it just right so we were on the road across 12 and 1 o clock. Without a hat. We're so clever.
At least I bought suncream but shes kinda black so she didnt need it. Do black people use suncream? I don't know lol.
But we made it there after 2 hours, having stopped to eat peaches at the side of the road, pick up golfballs, and swap bikes a couple of times. Her bike is a demon, her dad screwed the wheels on too tight and it took all my effort and breath to get it to move. I felt bad, I thought it was cos she was crap at cycling. But I couldnt have her riding it all the way there in the heat, so we took it in turns, and I carried her awkward bag cos im used to having stuff dangling off my handlebars.
We stopped at the pet shop to look at the fish that are crazy and the parrot that talks and the kittens aww.
Then we carried on to tesco, and bought tesco value lolies which only have 30 calories and are well tasty! I was surprised. And we climbed up the kiddies climbing frame and sat in the pods at the top. I was worried they wouldnt take me, but obviously they did or I wouldnt be writing this!
Then we got the awesome free bus up the hill, and walked through the town centre. I was so sorely tempted to get some alcohol, but with that journey ahead of me and the sun beating down, i decided it would be a recipe for disaster.
There was some spastic festival going on, and they wouldnt give us any free stuff cos it was all for these spastics from east london. And i was like they come down here and party in our field and get free stuff and the people that are locals get shit all. I was well annoyed. Just cos they're spastics they own the place.
So we went in the kiddies water park thing with the fountains and all that. It was great and we got drenched! And we went on the zip wire and felt very immature. Then we decided to head home, but missed the bus and had to walk back to tesco, and then ride home on the demon bike, which killed me.
But when I got back to liz's house captain slow let me buy the whisky off him. I thought hed be funny about it so i pretended it was a present for my gran. Excellent!
Lets never do that bike ride again