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I Open My Eyes Wider..
Everybody needs inspiration, everybody needs a song, beautiful melody... Cause there's no guarantee that this life is easy..
A friend made me listen to that song, I'm not at all a fan of the Miley, but the words are awesome when you just say them, I like the way they sound and at this particular moment they make sense in my life.
Sometimes you just need that inspiration, that event, moment, word or person that inspires you to express, in whichever way you want to. Through writing, singing, playing music, drawing and it takes you to a whole different level, of inexpressible emotion and feeling. A feeling where you can do anything you want, a feeling of joy and butterflies mixed together, a feeling of excitement and relief. A feeling where nothing is impossible. A feeling of content.
Lately, it’s been really hard to get a grasp of inspiration, its like I’m emotional drained out or out of stock. I don’t know. I lost the feeling to be inspired to do anything, its all become one big monotonous blur, but when in those dull moments that sense of light and inspiration appears, its like the whole world is full of soap bubbles. I mean there’s nothing more peaceful and innocent than soap bubbles floating peacefully along, shining a different colour with every movement and I try to hold on to that feeling as much as I can, and do everything I ever felt like doing. I do my best artwork, I do my best writings, and I sing my best.
But right now I’m in need of that feeling, I’m just emotionally broken. I’d probably consider myself a soap bubble, just floating along, colourful at different angles, going where the wind takes me and waiting for the day when I pop and disappear. But the trouble with soap bubbles is that they have no home and no place where they belong, they’re just the odd ones out. They seem silly on the outside, just a bubble of transparent soap with nothing to offer, but no one really ever concentrates on the bubble, no one concentrates on all the colours it has to offer, or the lines that surround it, how delicate it is, or how happy it can make people, but its just lost in a world full of a lot of sharp objects.
I’ve lost a sense of who I am, and a sense of what I want from this life. I no longer have goals or dreams, just reality and what it could offer. I don’t believe in fairytales any more, it’s sad I know, and I don’t exactly know what brought me to this point, but I’m here and I can’t seem to go back. I want to go back so badly, to a time where everything I wanted in my head was possible, everything I believed in could come true. I want to go back to a place where I’d have friends who would talk the random-est shit ever and just enjoy the moment of random thinking. I want to go back to a place where we were free and enjoyed being who we are. I don’t want to worry about what people think. I don’t want to be forced to act differently just because no one gets my randomness and no one understands my jokes. Its tough living in a place where you don’t QUITE fit in, when there’s always something to remind you, your in the wrong place. I only find my footing when I’m around foreign people, yet there aren’t enough around. Sometimes I wonder if I don’t put enough effort, but sometimes I think I do. I just don’t have the same mind set as most Egyptian girls here, they gossip all the time and talk about the weirdest things that just don’t interest me. I mean I don’t mind talking weird, but about something like whether time is linear or not… I mean that was a weird conversation, but no one here would get it. They’d be like WTF… but its just one of those random questions you should just answer and go along with, if you get what I mean. I don’t know.
For example today was one of those days I realized that I just don’t QUITE fit in. You see, we have these foreign exchange students who are taking a semester here in Egypt, Chris (Christiane) she’s German and Sam (Samantha) who’s American and we were on our way home and we had the randomest conversation about a miniature hamster that didn’t look like a hamster, so we debated whether it was a pig or an miniature obese albino rabbit and that was the best time I had in ages. I enjoy random conversations that people here just don’t get. I miss my FRIENDS!!!!! Ahhh.  I miss who I used to be. I miss knowing who I am, what I want and where I stand. I guess a day will come when all that will be clear and I might not feel this way so much, but right now I do… right now I’m a soap bubble.
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