i did a little update yesterday, but i had some other thoughts i wanted to add.
firstly i wanted to mention that i had a blast at Cangames, it started out kind of rough, which i'll go into in a moment. but other than that i had an exhausting but really fun time.....did some demo's won the tournament got a gold champion coin, and generally had a lot of fun.
the rough start....well it wasn't anything to do with the 'con it was just something that happened....
a friend of mine had a death in the family, and the circumstances surrounding it brought back some strong and unpleasant memories of the circumstances surrounding me and my father's death.....so it just hit me kinda hard. and i was pissed at the universe for throwing more shit at this person i really care about and who has had enough thrown at her.
When bad shit happens to people i care about, i tend to take it personally, *shrug* i don't know why i just do.........
anyways it kinda metaphorically hit me in the teeth, but i manged to dust myself off and have a pretty fun weekend, so all's well that ends....something something.
and it has helped me to realize that as much as i hate to admit it i think i may have some issues with what happened to me with regards to my dad's death.......it's a long story, i'll get to it later. but suffice it to say there are things that need to be dealt with.
i think with Father's day coming up, and the strong possibility that i'll be alone (erika and Cam are probably going to be in Ill visiting her family) i want to do something for him, some kind of memorial or toast or Rit or something........i do think i'm stuck in emotional neutral given what happened.
ok.....i guess i'll get to it now.....i've told this story a zillion times, let's see how fast i can get it out.
*note all dates are approximate a lot of stuff was happening and going on and it's possible i'm off about things
i was living in Buffalo my Dad in Toronto........my son was born Dec 19 2004, my dad was supposed to come visit us and see his grandson.
early in Jan i spoke with him, we talked for an hour or so, about this and that, if memory serves that's the last time we spoke.
about a week or so later i called and left him a message asking when he was planning to come visit, he never called back
about a week later called again, his voicemail box was full......kinda odd i thought given that he worked in sales and his phone was his primary means of people getting in touch with him.
called the next day, still got a full voicemailbox, now i'm really fucking freaked!
i end up calling his girlfriend whom i did not like then and like even less now, she tells me my dad had died about a week and a half or so earlier.
according to her she couldn't get a hold of me, granted i had changed phone numbers a few times but between my Mom, Grandparents, Aunt and Uncle i have a really hard fucking time beliving she couldn't get a hold of me, she just didn't give a fuck.
and yes i'm being judgmental, and if it were just me i'd take my perceptions with a grain of salt, but my Mom ended up talking to her as well to get more details, and according to my mom the GF did seem very self-centered. so it's not just me who's of the opinion that the GF could have mad more of an effort.
and i know she didn't like me, and the feeling was more than mutual....
anyways this is turning into a bitch-fest about my dad's former GF....
long story short, i think i'm stil hurting because i never got to say good-bye, and i don't have anything to remember him by........
we now return you to your regulary scheduled update....
anyways, today was a good day.....a got a cool note when i woke up and it made me smile, then i went out for coffee.......
did some reading at Sbux......
went to the Crystal Dawn, ran into a friend of mine there, and her new boyfriend. He seems really nice and i'm really glad she's had a fair bit of bad shit happen to her too....and some bad guys in her life, i think and hope this one may treat her like a person rather than something else....i'm really glad for her....
other than that not much go back to work Tuesday, woo-hoo....not.......but whatever job's a job right?
you know despite everything, all the shit, good and bad that happens to us, all the bad shit people do to each other, i stil have hope, i still think tomorrow can be better than today. |
Loading...