(note, the idea for this entry was kind of floating around my head, and i started writing some stuffs down in my notebook when i was having tea at chapters, but i was interupted and really only caught a fragment of what i wanted to say,)
it is often said generals always fight the last war,
i'd think one could say the same about relationships (romantic i mean) it's something i've noticed with myself in some regards,
at least with Jasmin, i suppose it could be partly that she in many reminds me of my ex, they have many qualities in common.
and it's true that Jasmin and i *are not* in a romantic relationship by any means, but there are what sometimes seem to be variations on a theme.
but at least as time goes on i become more aware of things, i learn and that's good......
there are a couple things i've realized with what's going on here, firstly her life is, to put it mildly pretty crazy so it's pretty rare that she has some time to spend with me, and she's perhaps a little less responsive that i personally would care for.
but i realize that i think what's really bothering me is a lack of 'control' in most of my relationships i'm the who will call most of the shots, and i think perhaps i find it off-putting not be doing so in this case.
but the other thing......i want to hang out with her, i *really* want to hang out with her, what can i say? she's awesome and i like doing stuffs with her, and it's been a while, from no fault of either of us, even so....far too long for my taste.
but being sensitive firstly to her, and secondly not wanting to repeat past mistakes, i'm sometime unsure of how direct i want to be, i mean if i weren't worried about being a bother i'd call/text/e-mail/facebook message her 20 times a day *each* to see when/if we'd be hanging out next, such is my inclination, i'm not one to do things by half-measures.
i don't know if this thought makes any sense, but it's frustrating, and being frustrated makes me even more frustrated.
*sigh* these things (relationships) really need instruction manuals
Good night and Good luck |
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