Cause I feel a little sick..
It's been forever and that's okay maybe I'll get back into this thing if not only to get some thoughts out.
Been over a year in fact and so many things have changed for the better.
I still work like a crazy person, I don't think that will ever change. I just got a new job though that I can't be more excited to start.
I'm hoping to have my own place within the year with Kyle which will be super fun and nice for privacy.
But not every day feels so happy and positive. Not every day can I smile and look on the bright side of things. I really just want to scream a lot of the time. I hate when I'm angry because it's paralyzing to me, I just want to be angry and that's it, do nothing else. It's not healthy. I can't however pretend the sun shines out of my ass all the time which I don't but I'd honestly like to cause sometimes it even makes me feel better.
It seems as though I'm always waiting for luck and lately good things have been happening like having new job interviews and ultimately finding a second job. Kyle and I are on great terms, really getting serious about moving out and on with our futures. So maybe for once I'm not doing something wrong.
In this world, I'm not sure how to be a go getter though and I'm not always sure what my first step is. Actually I'm not ever sure most of the time what the first step might be. It makes me think that maybe I'm a little crazy or maybe I'm just stupid. But its a scary place out there and I'm not trying to change it or be a huge part of it. I just want to be myself and find happiness before this life is over for me.
Which is why on a regular basis I just want to scream and run away. Although here I am, exactly where I started. Not sure where I'm going but I'll get there and I hope to be proud of myself and generally have happiness in the life I make. Its too soon to tell right now since I'm only 20 and I have a whole life ahead of me I hope.
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