life's a bitch.

06/02/2009

we're one mistake from being together. you won't be seventeen forever.


so yesterday i had lots of thinking time and i'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do next year when i graduate.
the only reason i began thinking about it seriously again is because my recruiter was at school and then we texted for a while just talking about stuff. i don't think he quite gets the fact that his life in the marine corp might be nice but luke's isn't right now and if i sign, it will just make things harder for our relationship.
luke tells me i can do what ever i want because i have to have a life too but he is my life. he has helped me think of all kinds of things i can do too so i know he cares.
there is a community college down the road from the base which i can get all my electives done and spend time with him before i go to another school but i don't know how much i want to go to college like it sounds appealing sometimes and other times it doesn't. and also if he isn't there like he has to go out on a ship or go to afghanistan, i can't be there by myself yet. it's all just confusing and he tells me we can cross that bridge when we get there which is true but i need a little structure or an idea because that's just how i am.
another thing is, some people don't agree with the fact that we will be married so young and that i might not do things for myself. i don't know what i want to do for myself so being with him at the beginning of the journey is fine with me and maybe i can figure some things out.
i realize i still have a year to think about all this stuff and i try to push it back in my mind but some how it always gets brought back up and then i have to think about it.
i'm just so confused. i wish i just knew what i wanted to do.

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