I am fat.

03/28/2011

Yea, that's right.
I am fat. 
And before anyone continues reading, no, this is not one of those entries where I sit here and complain about being overweight, and how I don't understand why I look this way, and blah blah blah.
I know why I look this way. I like to eat. Who doesn't? We eat to survive, right? See, I honestly don't eat a lot during the day...it isn't until the evening after Trystan is in bed that I start to eat more. Not sure why that is, but even in high school I was like that. I'd go all day not eating, and my friends would ask me at lunchtime why I didn't have anything. I'd just tell them, I'm not hungry during the day. Then I'd get home, and I'd binge. I think that's my biggest problem. I binge eat. 

Now, I don't weigh over 300 lbs and I don't sit on my ass all day expecting the world to wait on me. For the amount I weigh, I honestly don't look it. Thankfully, I'm tall, and a portion of the weight comes from the fact that I have massive boobs and the fact that my legs are mostly muscle from doing a lot of walking. 

The last time I weighed myself, I was 250 lbs. But again, I don't look it. Some people can't believe I weigh that much when I tell them, because I carry it pretty well. 




I have recently become aware of the fact that I may have gained a little bit, because I bought a pair of jeans a few weeks ago that were a size 14. Which is what I normally wear. Well when I got home and went to put them on, I realized I couldn't get them done up. Which really, kinda bummed me out. LoL. I don't get all depressed cuz I gain a few pounds or anything. It sucks that I can't wear these jeans, but I don't think it will take me long to lose the few pounds I might have gained. In the winter I get a little lazy and don't do as much walking as I do in the nicer weather. But now that the winter is practically over, I can get back to walking more often and losing a little bit. 
I've started taking anti depressants for my depression, which should help me with my energy levels. I'm hoping that as a result of that, I can become a little more active than just walking, and maybe get a workout routine going too. My only issue is the motivation to actually do it.
I seriously lack it. Ha.
My mom tells me that if I don't lose the weight, when Trystan gets older I'll embarrass him in front of his friends. Of course, I don't see that happening. But the thought has crossed my mind several times and I've asked myself, "What if that does happen?" I don't want to embarrass my kid. I want him to enjoy the fact that I'm his mother, and be proud to introduce me to his friends. Mind you, in this day and age, not many kids want to introduce their friends to their parents, but it does happen! LoL.
I've been thinking about it for a few days now, and I think I really need to get on the ball with this. I've been overweight my entire life. Quite literally. I am now 25 years old, and I think it's about time for a change. Cuz change is good, right?
Anyway, I must go. Parental duties call. I'll write again soon.



Krystle Melissa | Create Your Badge