Theme of the week: If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say?
If I knew I was dying, and I had only a certain amount of time to live, the first person I'd call would be Trystan's father, Doug.
This is what I would say:
Doug,
I want you to know I love you. I always have, and I always will. Despite the things we've been through in the past, and despite the things you do to REALLY piss me off at times, I still love you. You were my first love. My first real relationship. You were the one who showed me how to be independant, and how to love myself more than I used to.
Before we dated, I hated my life. I hated the world. I hated everything about every breath I took. Cutting was a regular thing for me and it didn't matter what stressed me out, I'd always look to harming myself as a relief. But you got me out of that.
Six months into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared. And even though you had expressed before that you didn't want any (more) kids, you stuck by me through it all. June 17 2007 I gave birth to our beautiful baby boy, and it was the happiest day of my life.
You recently thanked me for being me, and for loving you the way I do. You also expressed to me how much it bothers you that we didn't work out. I would like to thank YOU for being you, and for teaching me the things you have taught me over the years. I am 25. You are turning 28. And although your maturity level sometimes proves to be lower than mine, you always seem to have the answer to questions I ask. And even when I don't ask, you still seem to have some kind of information to share.
Your friendship means the world to me, and I am SO glad that you have the relationship with Trystan that you do. In all the years I have known you, I have always felt as if I could tell you anything. I value your opinion, and I value your honesty.
Even though things didn't work out between us as we had both hoped, I can honestly say I consider you my best friend.
Take care of Trystan for me when I'm gone. I know you'll do what you can to make sure he has what he needs. And I know you will always make sure he knows that his mommy loved him.
I love you.
Me and Doug when we first started dating back in 2006. I was 20 and he was 23.
My 21st birthday. I was about 3 months pregnant with Trystan.
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