Ok...so this entry is not to offend anyone. So please don't take it that way.
I just came to a general realization about a lot of the Bloopers on here. When I was between the age of about 15-18, I was a regular here at BloopDiary. I had your normal teenage issues, as well as a few extra. I was a cutter, I made what I looked at as an attempt at suicide NUMEROUS times. There were also times that I was picked up at school by an ambulance and brought to the hospital. At 17, I was kicked out of school because the school wasn't equipped to deal with my "issues".
* I did eventually go back when I was 19, but still left 5 credits short of graduating. *
So you could say I had a few things going on.
But coming back, I realize this site isn't what it used to be. Or perhaps, it was, but I didn't realize it before because I was so young. But either way, it just seems different.
I've noticed that many of the diaries on here are written by young girls between the same age I was 5-10 years ago. A LOT of those girls, are either having their first child, already raising a child, or raising one and having another.
*Note: Just a reminder that this is not said to offend anyone. I had my son at 21.*
I'm just curious why this is. When I was 17-20, I was a part of a local church youth group where I hung out with my friends and made a few along the way. Granted I wasn't in school, but I certainly wasn't thinking about having a family at that age. I used to watch shows like Sally Jesse Rahael, and Ricki Lake, and of course, Maury. And when they'd air shows about teen girls as young as 13 wanting children, I'd shake my head. How could someone so young want to have a family when there are so many things they have yet to do? Why give that up? As a teen, you are entitled to have fun, and be free and prepare yourself for adulthood. But wanting kids and having to give all that up? I mean, no, I didn't finish high school. No, I'm not able to work right now. I've had a lot go on in recent years and it has affected me in many ways mentally. I'm not proud of a lot of the decisions I've made in the past. Perhaps it's my sub-conscience wanting better for other young girls out there who could do so much more with their lives before having children. Please don't get me wrong. I love Trystan with every beat of my heart, and I will love him even after my last breath oflife. But if I hadn't been in the mental state I was in while dating Trystan's father, I could have waited, and made sure I had a stable life before bringing another life into the world. I was desperate for someone to love me. And that is always the wrong reason to have a child. I am probably making myself sound like such a horrible mother, but I'm really not. God had a plan in motion when he gave me my son. I firmly believe that. Trystan has a quality about him that makes him that much more special. And everyone tells me that. I got lucky.
But anyway...I just wanted to get that off my chest. I am not judging anyone. I've looked at the pictures you all post of your children and they are all beautiful.
Later all.
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Krystle Melissa
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