.o22. I can't remember when it was good | 09/15/2009 |
 moments of happiness elude. normal. bold. underline. italics. strike-through.
maybe I just misunderstood
It's been awhile since I've updated.
Thought it was about time to let you guys know all that was going on in my life.
all of the love we left behind
"Optimus Prime" has been awesome. For those of you who don't know, I can't remember if i've ever actually mentioned it... "Optimuse Prime" is the name we gave to our house. There's 5 people living here, & it gets exhausting to say "I'm going over to Mandi, Michael, Felicia, Nichole & Brian's house..." So we gave our house a name to make it easier on all of our friends. 
We had our friend Bear staying with us for awhile. He's staying with another friend now because he really needs to get on his feet. Living with us he wasn't looking for a job or contributing in any way, & living with us wasn't helping him get on the ball. He's doing better now. So his leaving was definitely in his best interest.
watching the flash backs intertwine
We're starting a new series of talks for the high school group. The girls are going through "Every Young Woman's Battle" & the guys are going through "Every Young Man's Battle." The books are about how to deal with sexual temptation in the world & how to live out a pure lifestyle. What's great about the books is that they're real. They aren't the "Well you're expected to be a perfect Christian so you lusting over a guy is wrong & you're a whore." They actually help the kids learn how to deal with what they're feeling & not let them feel guilty for feeling the way they do.
memories I will never find
I feel like this series will really help me heal from Ari. It's actually getting easier to cope. I feel like I'm really recovering now. He keeps popping up on my facebook now as a "suggested friend." So I see his face on a daily basis now.
I think the biggest difference in me now is that I'm actually giving it up to God. I know that it happened for a reason. I know that I'm not the only one who's ever had to deal with this kind of pain before. & I know I'm going to come in contact with girls who are trying to cope with this kind of pain as well.
so I'll love whatever you become
What I'm really being convicted of is forgiving him.
Everyday God is tugging on my heart. Reminding me that He loves him just as much as He loves me. That it was a sin just like anything else. That He is hurting over what happened to me too. That all the ache I have had, He has had too.
He reminds me everyday that I was not alone.
That He was in the room with me.
He was there.
He was crying just as hard as I was, if not more so.
He was guiding my car the whole way home when I could hardly see through my tears, & when I could hardly steer through my hysterics.
God reminds me everyday that He is STILL aching.
& forget the reckless things we've done
I think our lives have just begun
I think our lives have just begun
and I'll feel my world crumbling,
and I'll I feel my life crumbling
and feel my soul crumbling away
and falling away,
falling away with you
staying awake to chase a dream
tasting the air you're breathing in
I hope I won't forget a thing
promise to hold you close and pray
watching the fantasies decay
nothing will ever stay the same
and all of the love we threw away
and all of the hopes we've cherished fade
making the same mistakes again
making the same mistakes again
and I feel my world crumbling,
and I feel my life crumbling down,
I can feel my soul crumbling away,
and falling away,
falling away with you
all of the love we left behind
watching the flash backs intertwine
memories I will never find
memories I will never find
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Happy birthday!
