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I know I said that I wanted to stick with something positive, but I just feel so DOWN.
I'm stuck in the unfairness of everything that's going on in my life.
How unfair it is for my family to hate me over something my father REFUSES to tell the truth about.
How unfair it is that my best fried REFUSES to talk to me, because of something SHE did that's she's facing the consequences of.
How unfair it is that people have such a lack of appreciation for things that I do.
I just feel so let down by these people. I used to look up to them, & now I've abandoned all hope in all of them.
I feel betrayed.
I feel angry.
I feel bitter.
& I feel that I've been treated unjustly.
I'm stuck because, God's grace isn't fair either.
It's unfair that with everything i have done wrong in my life, I'm forgiven with no questions asked.
I guess maybe I'm angry at God?
Because I know that he forgives these people too.
I guess when it comes down to it, I've shown these people endless grace, & endless forgiveness, & endless ways to resolve the situation, & the same grace, forgiveness, & reconciliation is not shown to me.
How am I supposed to get past all this?
I'm so angry at you Joe, Karen, Benton, Spencer, Teryn.
I'm utterly infuriated that you all holding onto your pride & being right is more important than the relationships you all shared with me.
Father-Daughter
Mother-Daughter
Brother-Sister
Best Friend-Best Friend
are all meaningless to you, because you would all rather sit up there, on your high horses & play victim, then facing the truth that YOU ARE ALL AT FAULT.
Meanwhile I am down here, picking up the pieces of my heart after you all trashed it & drug me through SHIT.
I can't believe I had any faith in any of you AT ALL.
I look back & think about the bullshit each one of you put me through that I've just swallowed & taken because I loved you all so much that it didn't matter.
& each one of you has found the most heinous, ridiculous fucking things to be angry about.
I
can't
believe
all
of
you.
Seriously, you can all go fuck yourselves.
I'm OUT.
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