Nothing short of a miracle when you find the one you're looking for
It's another kind of trouble trying to hang on to who you are when all you wanna do is lose yourself in someone else's arms
Day 18 Plans/dreams/goals you have
I definitely want to finish school. That's number one on my list. Once I finish I'll have my B.A. in Health & Human Services.
It's a dream of mine to open a home for girls who are in an unintended pregnancy & don't have anywhere to go. I want to give them a safe place to stay where they'll be given clothes, meals, have someone to drive them to doctor's appointments, and when they have their babies, help them with parenting, find them jobs, and hopefully enable to get on their feet & care for their children.
Isn't it a wonder that we got this far?
Day 19 Nicknames you have; why do you have them
Beavis - My mom gave me this nickname from Beavis & Butthead. Since we're pretty inseparable, I'm Beavies, she's Butthead. 
Who - From little Cindy Lou Who from How the Grinch Stole Christmas. My family always thought I looked like her.
Mandilicious - Added my name to "Delicious" & changed the spelling. Not that it matters, but I did use it before "Fergalicious" hit.
Amanda Panda - My family calls me this. I guess cause it rhymes?
Some people aren't lucky like us, some people they just give up
Day 20 Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
My husband, Michael. <3
When the hard times fall the thrill of it all is gone, leaves you in a cloud of dust
Day 21 A picture of something that makes you happy
This is Mono Lake in Northern California. This place is so breathtakingly beautiful. My family goes camping near here every year, & it restores my soul to be there. <3
It's sad to think that some won't find it & others won't recognize it even when it comes
Day 22 What makes you different from everyone else
I can admit when I'm wrong.
I don't use other people.
I'm honest. Always. Even when it may hurt your feelings.
We're all at the mercy of the will of love
Some people yeah
Some people aren't lucky like us
I feel really blah lately.
No, blah doesn't really even cover it.
My heart is breaking.
I literally feel like I'm dying inside.
I am so exhausted & beat down from people using me over & over & over again.
I am so exhausted from watching people walk on eggshells around me.
Literally, everyone treats me like if they make a wrong move around me I'm going to freak out on them.
I don't know what the deal is.
I watch people come & go as they please into & out of my life, & then have the nerve to act like I'm being a bitch when I finally say, "Enough is enough."
It tears me apart to see my best friend of 10 years marry into my family & not speak to me.
Our relationship is so fabricated now. It's such bullshit.
It tears me apart to see the girls who are supposed to be my FAMILY act like I don't matter.
What's worse is walking around on this earth with the feeling that nobody fucking cares.
Michael is so insistent on giving everyone "the benefit of the doubt" that he bends over for people & never stands up for himself or for me.
My "friends" are showing their true colors. & they aren't colors I want to look at. All ugly.
I wish that there was somebody I could turn to that won't disappoint me.
I have 2 friends I want to be close to. Dan & Kirdy.
But because I've been so burned by, let's see, oh, pretty much every good friend I have, I'm too scared to fully open myself up to them, which is what I don't want to do. Because it creates a friendship with all these walls.
Blagh.
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