Myself.normal. bold. underline. italics. strike-through.
I have never been anything but.
I am hot-headed
passionate
impatient
fun-loving
silly
enthusiastic about pretty much everything
smiley
funny
easy to please
outgoing
friendly
but recently,
my personality which has never changed, is being challenged by those who i once called my dear friends.
people seem to want to take my hot-head to the boiling point
snuff out my passion
test what little patience i do have
respond to my fun-loving attitude by never inviting me anywhere
take my silliness as immature
meet my enthusiasm with belittlement
try to turn my smile into a frown
take me being easy to please as being "small-minded"
instead of taking me as outgoing, i'm being assumed as an "attention whore"
& taking my friendliness as flirting shamelessley
You know what kills me.
Is that it's poeple at church.
People at church that are being so completely unsupportive about the way i was created.
If you don't like the way God made me, how is that my problem?
I'm being told, "Now Mandi. Let's not get angry..." like I'm some 2 year old having a temper tantrum.
There is such a thing as righteous anger.
Anger that is justified.
Jesus himself had this anger.
I have never, EVER been angry when it isn't important.
If someone has given me a cause to be angry at them. I will be angry.
it's an emotion.
& it's unhealthy to bottle it up.
So you know what?
I'm not going to anymore.
I have tried being "more gracious" & "have a quiet spirit"
Well guess what?
Grace was not one of spiritual gifts.
God gave me the gift of discernment.
Knowing the time & place. Knowing right & wrong. When to be angry, & when it can just be let go of.
I have never had a "quiet spirit."
My voice will be heard.
Don't think that for one second I will follow what all these other church mouse girls are doing just because it looks better.
I'm not a quiet woman & neither is my spirit.
I want to shout & my spirit does too.
My spirit is alive & brilliant!
It's not quiet & timid.
I'm tired of the stereotype of a "christian girl."
I see it on the church worship team every week.
These girls who sing high & sweet because that's all anyone wants to hear.
What about girls like me?
Who have a deep, soulful voice just waiting to jump out?
You know what I get told almost every week after I sing?
"If you would sing a little softer..." "You're so loud."
It makes me want to scream!
My voice is powerful!
It's strong!
& God has a place for that!
He does!
But that's not what people want to hear?
if you can't handle me at my worst, than you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. - marilyn monroe
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