Still Alive

05/20/2009

You can find inspiration and advice in the strangest places.

I've recently come into possession of several ideas for totally new things to write, though you'll have to wait for details. They don't come out until the first installment of the new story. Which doesn't mean I'm giving up on the current one. I just need something to jump-start my imagination.

Secondly, I've been having a lot of trouble with things between my friends and my girlfriend. Lindsay and Kelly recently had a fight and several of my less-informed friends have been so ridiculous (and angering to me personally) as to tell me that I should leave her and that I'm a nice guy and I could get any girl I wanted. Firstly, our problems aren't so bad that I think we'll break up. We are in the process of working through our issues and making progress. Secondly, I don't really want another girl. If we were to break up, however unlikely, I think I'd stay single, if not forever, then for a very long time. Thirdly, the people telling me to "get another girl" really don't know anything about our problems, they're just going off third or fourth hand information, and when I'm getting relationship advice from people who haven't been in a relationship for years and don't know all the facts, it is VERY frustrating.

But there's a lesson to be learned here from a slightly ridiculous song. If you've ever played Portal, you may be familiar with the song that plays while the credits roll, "Still Alive." As the song goes, "there's no use crying over every mistake, you just keep on trying til you run out of cake." So even if someday, some way that I don't know of yet, we come to the point of breaking up, I'm going to keep trying to make it work til the end.

Which isn't to say that I never have worries about our relationship. I don't 've mentioned it on here yet, but we're no longer engaged. She said that she didn't think that either of us were really ready for it, and she was right in a way. But when I asked her to marry me, I meant it in no way to change the relationship. We'd been together for a year and it seemed inevitable that it would someday happen. So it might as well have been then, right? I guess not. I sometimes worry that it's a step backward and toward a ledge. But when I worry too much, it just makes me more committed to working through it.

We'll see how that goes.

Also, keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm waiting to hear back on a job that one of my friends set me up with. A job that pays enough to mean my own roof over my head before too long, and insurance on top of that. So I'm really hoping for it.

Today's Playlist:

My Heart Radio - Sparks The Rescue
Suffocating Right - Neurtoicfish
How to Call a Bluff - My Favorite Highway
16 Military Wives - The Decemberists
Resurrection Fern - Iron And Wine
You Are My Face - Wilco
Shiksa - Say Anything
No Man's Land - Sufjan Stevens
Autorock - Mogwai
Everything Is Borrowed - The Streets
Nine in the Afternoon - Panic! at the Disco