Since my last entry I've made changes. I am on the quest to be a happier person! I figured out where the thorn in the side of my figurative happiness existed and decided to visit a nutritionist. I am eating healthier, eating less, and increasing my activity. I weigh in and get a b5/b6 shot every week. My first weigh in was last tuesday and I lost 7 pounds in 1 week! I think it was beginners luck.. but I'm confident that I will stick this thing out.
Yesterday was my birthday! (btw, thanks for the b-day wishes!) I got to hang out with my sister and my mom for the day and get pedicures. Gotta love paid holidays!
My boyfriend and I just celebrated our 6 year anniversary. Another year.. nothing changed. Every gift giving holiday that rolls around I allow myself to get anxious thinking that something big is going to happen. Inevitably it doesn't, and I"m internally sad that I want something that he doesn't seem to. Last night was the breaking point. He waited until almost midnight to give me my present - two tickets to see Wicked on July 5th. We had a small fight months ago when the tickets went on sale, and he didn't want me to buy them. I pretty much knew that this was going to be my present as result, but still held on to a little unrealistic hope that he was going to propose. Upon opening the gift I couldn't keep in my normal private disappointment. He could tell I was upset, so he left the room and went and laid down on our bed.
I went outside and cried.. It was a mixture of sad feelings and embarrassment. I felt like such an ingrate. He came out to see what was wrong after letting me cry it out for a bit. We talked. I told him that I didn't want him to give me gifts anymore. He was confused, and made me detail why.
I explained my girly expectations and that I feel like an ingrate, and apologized for being a girl. He explained that he would never propose to me for my birthday, or Christmas, or Valentines day, and he thinks that's cheesy. He told me it was ok for me to feel the way I do, and I'm not being an ungrateful person. We left it there.. where we always leave talk of marriage - up in the air.
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