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*~chaos embodied~*
by _-nukcleur.pink-_

previous entry: m.f.

next entry: poem. poisoned love

fisticuffs

01/01/2011

so i just got home. i dont know what the hell happened.. or how.. but... i came over here with the intentions of having my inspection and then leaving to my bf's house. cuz i asked him.. maybe he was too drunk, it was too late, i dont know. but something went wrong and in his head i was staying here tonight, in my head i was coming here, getting the inspection and going to his house which is a fucking hour away. [[continued the next day. cuz i got distracted]] so.. i drove to his house and on the way i got a call, he asked "what are you doing?" i said "driving down the road" or whatever was said and hes like "i thought you were staying at your place tonight" like he was crushed! and he went on with his insensitive crap and i ended starting to cry so i told him that i had to go. i got there and started packing some stuff up that i had there to head BACK to my place and was crying and wondering what was so fucking important that he HAD to be by himself that night. and hes asking questions and i really dont understand myself why im so emotional except for the insensitive shit and the fact that i just drove over an hour to get back and i had waited on the inspection, and got that over with which sucked and was not feeling very well and was emotional due to mother natures call. annnnyway... sorry if thats tmi. but... im crying, and hes asking questions. i start piling up stuff in the kitchen so i can get it to the car and somehow that ended up him standing in front of the door screaming bloody murder at me, which, you dont do with me. all my life my mother screamed at me. she didnt talk or communicate, she didnt know how, shes a sociopath and screaming at me is a trigger. so i turned around as i was packing some of the food i bought into a garbage bag and threw one of those boxed apple pies at him. and im not sure what happened next but he ended up over there where i was standing with a death grip on my arms and wrists shaking me screaming in my face to shut the fuck up and listen to him and i think i kicked him in the nuts or something.. not sure its fuzzy. we ended up in bedroom after that.. god, this is all so blurry now. ive slept. lol. anyway, it wasnt as bad as fights ive had with him before, ive gotten fractured ribs before. but this wasnt pleasant by any means. hes a bastard and he was trying to hurt me. he threw me into the wall. the corner to be exact. threw his hat into my face. hard. i blocked it. there was blood on my hand when it was all over.. think it come from his nose. it didnt come from me. anyway.. i cant talk about what he said to me. i cant talk about this at all anymore. apparently i am nothing to him. after a year and 2 months. nothing.

previous entry: m.f.

next entry: poem. poisoned love

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he set you up so you will fail.

so that way he has an "excuse" to abuse you.

you can not win.

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