Boo! I Love You!
I'm sitting here at work, trying to concentrate, when BOOM! I have a premonition about this blog and how I used to be on it (I think? People who are "avid fans" would probably say otherwise). You all probably thought I died or did like the millions of times on here and gave the fuck up. But guess what??? I did not give up this time. Oh no. In fact, I fucking gave the very opposite of up.
I lost 50 lbs
You're sitting in your chair spitting out your coffee/tea/water/beer/bourbon/soda of choice, aren't you? I know, I've been doing the same thing over the past year.
Seriously, I have. I've just been going around in a haze of "this is awesome" and just living my life in a healthier way by making smart small choices. Like, for example, adding vegetables to a meal instead of french fries and not eating so damn much. Seriously, I am now the president of Stop Eating So Much 2k15. Okay, so that's not really a thing, but it is in my house.
I've also taken up Zumba and I am such a fan. Emily, my instructor, is the light of my fitness life and just an awesome person in general. 60 minutes a week, she's got my ass doing things I didn't know were possible, like over 100 squats in 60 minutes and hating her every freaking minute but also loving the shit out of her at the same time. I was grinning from ear to ear like a pig in dookie last Saturday because I hadn't been to class in FOREVER (more about that in a bit) and I missed everyone and I needed Zumba in my life okay. She was the first real life person that I could physically see in front of me that made exercise seem fun and it was because she made it fun. (I love Richard Simmons as well but he was on a TV and being paid a good amount of money to act happy so I couldn't trust him fully. He's also the light of my fitness life Celebrity Edition and if I ever meet him I'm going to be a cliche mess and hug him (if he is okay with that) and tell him how he has been a wonderful Fairy Fitness Father to me.) I did join a gym but I don't go as often as I want to, usually once a week on weekends to get in something extra if I need to. I know in my heart of hearts I should go more because strength training but I love cardio and Zumba more. :/
Other stuff in fitness that has been going on: While I have been kicking ass these past few months (I started in January), I slacked off a LOT in October. It was like non existent. I gained back 7-8 lbs and I need to get back into the game. I know I can do it and that might be the reason that I slacked off so much is because I'm like: WELL I KNOW HOW TO DO IT SO I'M GONNA TAKE A BREAK OKAY? And it always seems to happen after I do really really well the previous month. This cannot happen. I gotta keep momentum somehow, at least for a bit and not fuck up. I don't want to go back where I was. I was miserable. I was contemplating suicide. I hated myself and everyone around me. I was human destruction. I went to J's shows and couldn't stand up at them for a full hour. It hurt. I was in pain and all I wanted to do was crawl away from everyone cause I was ashamed and I always felt like everyone was staring at me all the time.
I think I got to the point, finally, where I told myself, "you can try losing weight because what else do you have to lose? You're going to die either from your weight or you're going to do it anyway if something isn't done." Something clicked that night and I never believed before that this kind of thing happens, but it did. I went to bed that night and had the best sleep in months and I woke up, ready to live and be healthy. I have little blurbs from that day written in my daily planner. It says:
"1st day you weren't depressed waking up in the AM. Today is going to be a good day. Remember today."
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