My boyfriends back and you're gonna be in trouble.

01/23/2010

My Goals

Weight
20 by Spring Break=218 lbs
10 by Easter= 208
13 by the time school's out of session= 195
30 by the start of the school year (Fall Session) or Fall Break= 165
20 by Thanksgiving '10= 145
10 by Christmas '10= 135

Running
.5 Mile By Spring Break '10
1 Mile By Summer '10
1.5 Miles By Fall '10
2 Miles By Winter '10

Stats

Weight:
Exercise: None so far today.
Food:
Breakfast- Nothing b/c i got up at 11.
Lunch- an apple, some grapes, a cube of cheese and baby carrots.
Dinner- Planning on: Something lean cuisine.

Your mom goes to college.

I have seriously disgusted myself.

Where did my self control go? Apparently it took a flying leap out the door along with my dignity and self respect. I have never felt so shameful and so unhappy as I do right now.

238.
That ain't no typing error, kid.
They say the holidays will ruin you. Mine destroyed me.

Im sick of self loathing, Im sick of feeling sorry for myself and feeling like shit. I'm sick of not being able to feel like I'm supposed to feel at 22. I'm sick of feeling like I can't do anything because I'm fat. I'm sick of worrying about if I'm going to have a heart attack, if I'll live till fifty.

I'm sick of giving up on everything.
I will finish this.
I will see it to the end.
Whether that end is bitter or sweet.

I am setting a goal of one year. This is the year of being healthy. This is the year of doing something good for me. This is the year to stop saying no living life.

No more procrastination.

I gotta look ahead and see something good in my future. I've got to.

previous entry: I was gonna go on a diet, but then I got high. (YeahYEAH!)

next entry: Here comes the sun and I say, "it's alright."

0 likes, 4 comments

[ | add comment ]

Add Comment

You sound very determined! I hope you do well! It's normal to have some setbacks. It's good that you're honest about it and know it was your choice to make, but after taking that responsibility for it, stop beating yourself up and pull yourself back up again (like you did in this entry!)

Good luck!

[ Avonlea@ITW|0 likes] [|reply]

Random comment: I wish you luck with your goal. You sound very determiend, which will help you go far. Ive chosed the same goal middle of last year & still working on it. Its been alot of baby steps towards the big, big picture. Their has been many ups & downs. But, in the end i know this is where i need to be (:

[SingToMeALullaby|0 likes] [|reply]

i'm happy to hear you so determined!! I need to get off my ass and do something with the lard that sits upon my stomach and thighs.

[..toxique.. Star