My boyfriends back and you're gonna be in trouble.

I have seriously disgusted myself.

Where did my self control go? Apparently it took a flying leap out the door along with my dignity and self respect. I have never felt so shameful and so unhappy as I do right now.

238.
That ain't no typing error, kid.
They say the holidays will ruin you. Mine destroyed me.

Im sick of self loathing, Im sick of feeling sorry for myself and feeling like shit. I'm sick of not being able to feel like I'm supposed to feel at 22. I'm sick of feeling like I can't do anything because I'm fat. I'm sick of worrying about if I'm going to have a heart attack, if I'll live till fifty.

I'm sick of giving up on everything.
I will finish this.
I will see it to the end.
Whether that end is bitter or sweet.

I am setting a goal of one year. This is the year of being healthy. This is the year of doing something good for me. This is the year to stop saying no living life.

No more procrastination.

I gotta look ahead and see something good in my future. I've got to.