OMG I feel like the worst parent ever

12/31/2010

12-21-2010


We were all doing so great today. She slept during the day except for once and we stayed up playing peek-a-boo...not that she really understands that game yet but she smiled a lot so I didn't care. So Kevin gets home from work and she had just been fed and changed and burped and all that great stuff but she was still fussy. All she wanted was to be held which was fine. I didn't mind...except when she kept putting her feet on my still-trying-to-heal c-section incision. So I took her into the bedroom so that she could lay with us and fall asleep which she finally did and we miraculously got 4 HOURS of sleep! Well then she gets up and I make her some food. She had one bottle of breastmilk (I need some help on this issue...see the end) and was still hungry so I made her some formula. Well she wanted the bottle and she would suck on it for a couple of minutes and start crying. This was going on for about a half hour and I was getting fed up. She wasn't wet. She didn't need to burp. She didn't want to be held. I was at a loss so I figured, maybe she just needs to cry. She's a girl, and girls cry. Kevin was getting pissy that she just wouldn't stop crying and I was like "Babies just cry sometimes." And he was like "Well that's stupid." And he walks out. I was like great! So now not only did I have a fussy baby, I had a fussy husband. I was not a happy camper. So Kevin goes and unplugs the baby monitor so he can't hear her cry. And I didn't know what to do so I left her in her crib, crying. 2 hours later and she's still at it so I call his mom. I'm crying because I don't know how to help her and she's crying because she needs something. So his mom comes over and sits with her and tries to feed her. And she looks at me kind of funny and says "This nipple doesn't have a hole." My heart sank. I was starving my own kid and didn't even know it. So I grabbed another one and replaced it. And his mom told me to go to bed and that she'd stay over and take care of her tonight. I'm still so mad at myself that I didn't know. But she was still so hungry after the breastmilk that when I made formula I didn't even think to check it. I just wanted her happy. I feel like I need to make it up to her but I know she won't even remember the ordeal.
But onto the breastmilk issue. We started this at the hospital but it didn't really catch on because my milk still was fully in so we would have to feed her the little formula bottles they gave us. So she got used to formula. Well on the 3rd day, the day we got discharged, my milk was starting to come easier so I would breastfeed her, or at least attempt to. She latched on once and was there for maybe 2 minutes before she gave me a look that if an adult had given it to me, I would have taken it as "Are you flipping serious? This is nasty!" So now that we're home, I'm still offering her the breast but she always turns away and keeps crying. And I feel bad because I'll keep offering it to her for about 15 minutes and she never latches on. So I just started pumping every time that she eats so that I'm telling my body, hey I still need this stuff. But I pump it and put it into a bottle. I don't know why she prefers bottles, but she does so I don't argue. At least she's getting the nutrients. The doctor said I'm doing it right but that I need to cut out the formula. Well, you don't have a little girl that's eating about 25 fluid ounces a day! I'm trying to tell my body that I need that much, but when I don't make it, I have to feed her something! And she won't latch on, so I'm kind of running out of options. I figure it really doesn't matter as long as she gets some breastmilk, you know, at least she's getting some. It's better than none in my opinion. But has anyone else had this problem? I'm at a loss for what to do about it.

lithium layouts.

Cristine

Create Your Badge