Someone asked what made me smile yesterday. Let's see...I take Julian to school in the mornings and I pass 2 churches with those black letter signs out front that people are always re-arranging to make obscene words. I am not religious but I usually read these signs and get feelings ranging from indifference to disgust. Before they are re-arranged anyway. If they say something obscene they make me smile.
Yesterday morning the sign on the church that lies a few blocks away from our house said -
FOR EVERY GOLIATH THERE IS A STONE
Wow, that started my mind up right away. That is a pretty revolutionary message that could be applied to just about anything. Somewhere a girl with broken string hair lies strung out on pills, sliced and bruised in a thousand ways at every turn of her life with no end in site. For every Goliath there is a stone. Slaves work in diamond mines in Africa, children labor in sweatshops, owned by mega-corporations that treat them as livestock. For every Goliath there is a stone. Americans labor like prisoners in low-wage jobs watching their dreams fade with their youth, not seeing their enemy, not knowing how to change things or how to get away. For every Goliath there is a stone. Any giant can be defeated. Any prison can be escaped. Your destiny lies in front of you and courage is all you need to grab it. Find that stone and throw it. Hot damn.
I still believe that religion is at best a distraction from true charity and at worst an excuse for genocide, but that message was the first thing to make me smile yesterday. Well played, churchies, well played.
Let's see...I worked, ate lunch at my desk around noon, picked up Julian and ran him from school to daycare during my real lunch hour, got off work, picked up Julian from daycare, picked up prescriptions, made dinner, made Julian do his homework while I did dishes and laundry. Helped Julian get to bed.
E's mother is in bad shape, she has end-stage cancer that has moved to her brain. So E has been staying up all night with her mother each night even though E's health is very bad and she can barely get out of bed. After I got Julian to bed, I woke up E, listened to E break down because her and her mother are dying and she is trying to help her mother on her own because her siblings are not helping, made E dinner, made E tea and snacks to eat while she stays up all night. Carried E's stuff over to her mothers for her, went home. Brushed my teeth, fed the cats.
After all that I had about an hour before I had to sleep, before this entire process would start over again. This is my creative time, and it always makes me smile. Despite any dragon digging away at my life, despite any machinery that twists my joints to breaking, despite the terrors that gaze from the dark, here I can always transport to a world beautiful and safe. This is my anchor, as long as I have this time I can do anything. I would die to keep it.
Sometimes I paint while dancing to loud music, sometimes I record music or write. Sometimes I read. Yesterday I worked on mastering for the three songs I have recording done for on my new album. The hooks are good, the sound is good and I'm finding my range as a vocalist again. That made me smile. Number 2 for the day.
Life is hard right now, I am not nurturing and hate taking care of people. But I will wait it out or find a way to make it easier. I will get my creative work done despite any challenge. For every circumstance can be changed. For every Goliath there is a stone. How about you? |
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