So, my cold ended up clearing up to where I wasn't shitting my brains out and I wasn't losing my voice. So I went to Thanksgiving at the in-laws.
First off, we didn't even sit at the same table. They have a formal dining room and a kitchen dining room. Kelly (MIL) wanted the kids to sit at the table in the kitchen because there are hardwood floor under them. Well, we had Tyler's playpen, no high chair. So we had to sit with Tyler and feed him. WHY it mattered where we all sat, I don't know. Oh, when I walked in the turkey smelled like feet. And tasted like shit. And I don't like my mother in laws cooking. She makes everything homemade, but it's just... not good. I don't like homemade brown gravy, or the way she makes her stuffing, or any of that. So I barely ate shit, but she didn't notice because we weren't even sitting with them.
After dinner, Daniel and his dad went to take Daniels Uncle Selso a plate, since he's alone. (I don't know if he wasn't invited or what.) I sat in the living room with Jordan and the kids, and his mom dug out pics of her other grand daughters and showed them to me. She was trying to have a conversation with me, but I always hated looking at other peoples pictures. Especially of people you don't even know. Am I the only one here?
We didn't stay long, maybe an hour and a half, and then I went home and slept. I am still sick and I feel like crap.
I don't really have much to write about today.
Oh, David's grandmother called yesterday. This is my ex-husbands mom. Background? Okay, because I am procrastinating school work at the moment.
My ex-husband got me pregnant (duh) pretty much on purpose. It was December, we were drunk, and we always pulled out. Well he asked if he could not. With me not thinking reasonably and him not thinking reasonably, I said yes. I got pregnant and we moved in months later with his brother and wife. Well, my mom would call Dennis' mom to get a hold of me. His mom told my mother that I got pregnant on purpose to trap Dennis, and that Dennis didn't want this baby and blah blah blah. My mother is NOT a person to talk shit about me to! She will not engage. Well, this pissed me off and set the mood for our whole relationship.
My ex is an alcoholic and a meth addict. I didn't know he was DOING meth when we were together. Yes, I was naive... I was 19. We met when I was 17. He was the bad boy, I was in a bad situation. He moved to Colorado while I was living in Az and offered to move me away. I said yes. Dumb, dumb, dumb.
Anyways, my ex is a drinker. Well, his parents NEVER stood up for me. We lived with them for a while, because as you know with addiction comes the ability to NOT HOLD A FUCKING JOB. His mom thought I didn't know how to parent and tried to take David from me. The DAY I got out of the hospital from having him, she came over wanting to take him for an hour to show him off to the residents at the nursing home where she worked. Uhh, no. They took him gradually starting at 4 months old. It started with a few hours, then an overnight, and ended up with 4 days a week.
I know, I need to take control, right?! You guys are probably yelling at your monitors right now, "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, WOMAN!!" I had my own issues. I had his whole family gang up on me constantly. This is when I had no backbone at all. I had an alcoholic husband turned abusive. Sometimes it was better for David to be gone, because when Dennis was drunk, he used our son as a pawn. He would snatch him up out of his crib and attempt to get in a car and leave. DRUNK! My life was in turmoil.
Then, lucky for my in-laws, I got in an accident when David was 7 months old. (I'm really starting to tear up now, this is hard to write about). I rolled my car three times going bout 65 mph. I couldn't walk, I broke a lot of bones from the waist down and required multiple surgeries. They didn't think I would be alive after the first 24 hours due to my internal bleeding was SO SEVERE, they weren't sure if they could mend me. I spent two weeks in the Denver hospital, and the doctors wanted me to go to a rehab to learn how to walk again, but I refused. I didn't want to stay in Denver anymore. I wanted to go home.
I lied to the doctors and told them I had a huge support system, someone would always be there to take care of me. I couldn't bathe myself, I could go to the bathroom, brush my teeth, roll over, get in my wheelchair, get myself food, nothing. I laid on the couch with the remote and I called friends or family to help me use the restroom if I couldn't hold it anymore. It was horrible.
My "living space" was a mess. I slept next to a commode that my husband wouldn't empty because it grossed him out. All I could smell was my own urine, which was disgusting due to how dehydrated I was. I had to-go boxes littering the coffee table, along with soda cans, wrappers, and trash. My husband told me one morning that I needed to clean it up. When he came home and saw that I did nothing, he was pissed. He started screaming at me about what a mess I had made, and that he didn't need to work 14 hours a day an then come home and clean up my mess. I yelled back, "How THE FUCK am I supposed to clean! I am bedridden! I can't!!" He expected me to get myself in a wheel chair and set our garbage can between my legs and clean up the trash. Well, if I couldn't get in the wheelchair, how was I suppose to get the fucking trash can? He honestly thought I was milking it.
David stayed with Tina, and others in his family.
I missed David's first time sitting up.
I missed him crawling.
I missed his first word.
I missed everything.
I learned how to walk again, and then was back down again. I was told I now needed a knee surgery. Oh brother. So, we did it all again. It took me a year to fully recover.
During this, he would take off and go get drunk. David would sit in his crib and cry and I couldn't get to him. I would have to go to the bathroom and have to hold it. Because my husband was getting wasted god knows where, and wouldn't answer our walkie-talkie. We didn't have cell phones at this time, and the walkies were long range. He ended up shutting it off so he didn't have to listen to me anymore.
After I left him, he got drugged up and wasted and his mom raised David. When David was with me, he would tell me, "Nana's my new mommy" and "Nana told me you're a bad mommy". Mean things. She would call all the damn time to talk to him. Our time was never our time because she was always interrupting.
Now, at seven, David tells me he doesn't like her. "Why?" I ask him. "Because, she always calls and talks forever and I want to spend time with you, and she always tries to get me to go with her instead of my dad and she wants me to be her son and I'm not her son!"
This is heartbreaking to me. She would call us, and I wouldn't answer. She would then keep calling, up to five times a day until we answered. She told me, "I just get SO worried about David when he's with you, I'm sorry I keep bothering you I just don't want anything to happen!" Like what? I am a capable mother. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs, or feed my kids processed crap. If something were to happen you would be notified. Does she not see how offensive this is? No, not coming from the woman who once called me a dingbat. when I asked her to stop, she said, "Why, dingbat?" and then got pissed off when I lost my cool and started telling everyone what a "witch" I was.
The last time she called was early October. David hasn't talked to her in two months. Now I am trying to find a way around our 50/50 temporary custody order, because I have a feeling if he goes there for Christmas, I won't get him back for awhile.
Why? She did it before. For three months.
Well, his dad never calls. His dads girlfriend called on Thanksgiving, she told him his dad was there, but he never got on the phone. He's a douchebag. Since orders are with Dennis, and he never calls to make arrangements, I can refuse to make arrangements with Tina, right?
Anyone know?
He didn't go for Thanksgiving break because David told Tina he didn't want to. But he wants to see his Dad for Christmas. His Dad ignores him the whole time though.
"All my dad does is go to work, go to the bar, or go to Rob and Leilani's (his drinking buddies). When he IS home in the morning all he does is lay on the couch because he is to sick to play with me (hangover). SOMETIMES he takes me fishing in the summer."
Heartbreaking.
Am I wrong? I read about other mothers sending their kids off with their Dads, even though the Dads have been less than trustworthy. They worry about damaging their kids, or their kids blaming them for not being around their Dad.
Am I wrong to worry about Dennis hurting David while he's there? Or not getting him back? Maybe it's because our 50/50 isn't set at any particular orders. I don't know if they would have the money to take me to court anyways.
I'm really stressing.
**As a side note, to set the mood at how mad this woman is, she tries to take Tyler. She has called and asked me, and hounded me, and begged me to take Tyler for a weekend. I won't let her and she doesn't underrstand why. YOU LIVE 6 HOURS ACROSS THE STATE OF COLORADO AND TYLER ISN'T RELATED TO YOU!!!! Oh, she calls herself Nana to Tyler. Does anyone else find this creepy?
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